``__Sky,

Random day at Vivo with Mum.

2010-12-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

Mum and I at Vivo (:

I hate medicine. Especially those that are bitter and can cause drowsiness.
I seemed to have a bad day today.
=\ I don't know how to explain things..

Seeya.

COOKIES!

2010-12-02T00:21:00.002+08:00

HELLO people!
I smell of cookies now. Hehe
Shall explain it further later.

Alright!
On Tuesday!
Had fancy drill training again (:
As usual, had some fun.
But the sun was freaking hot D:
Almost died out there, I can feel myself burning.
I even got that burnt smell-.-

After that we had bagpipe.
More of self practice for drummers.
And Jia Jun couldn't make it! >; ( hmph. Cheat our feelings.
Anyways, we started playing Xmas carols, but drummers were somehow at a lost at some parts of the songs-.-

Yesterday! (Since it's 12plus in the morning now)
Wanted to have lunch at swensens with parents, but it had a long queue, so ate at foodcourt instead.
Went to school early, and sat outside GB room.
I wasn't in the mood to talk. Didn't want to think of anything too.
So I just sat there like an emo shit, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Seriously, I did not want to leave that place. I like the serenity there (:
But went off for meeting afterwards.
HAHA damn funny.

Practised cheers and campfire songs, and then we sang the inspirational song for the camp.
Ohoh, Izwan gave us a medic lecture, DAMN FUNNY CAN xDDDD
Laughed like mad. HAH!
Best meeting so far. Rofl
Expected of that crap guy. Lols

Walked home, and baked cookies for my cousin.
His birthday is this coming Friday (:

Cookies weren't that great though ;x
Hope he likes them.

&I had a great convo with Cousin. (:
Yeah, we quarrelled abit, but I find the arguement so funny LOL
I think I just like that kind of "us" (:
It was just like two years ago. Somehow. Lols.

Cousin ah!
I promise okay!
(: Will believe you de.
And yeah, I won't be unhappy le ba.
(: There's no need to feel bad.
Or I'd feel bad for making you feel bad!! D;<

Seeya!

Before I forget.

2010-11-30T00:24:00.002+08:00

Okay, I'm back.
I wonder who reads this blog anyway ._.
But whatever, I need to say some things that are currently on my mind.

To you, my friend whom I love so much (:

Hello.
I know we sort of had a minor "arguement" a few days ago.
With awkward texts, awkward tones..
But I'm glad we somehow treat like nothing ever happened the next day.
With the return of smileys and "lol"s.

Do you see people giving up on people recently?
People walking away, people being cold, people not caring?

I just want to let you know I won't be one of them.
I want to be known as the friend who wouldn't give up on someone so easily.

I've held on for so long..
&You've once told me to look back at how much I've come whenever I think of giving up.
I did.
That's why I'll stay. Alright?

I hope you're reading this..
I hope that..
even if you don't give any reply, even if I'm not your priority, even if I may be your last resort at times, even if I don't succeed in making you smile at times, even if you find that whatever I'm saying and had said are always annoying you to the core..

even if I'm an imperfect friend who's only good at making you cry and get angry so much.

I do hope that whenever you think that all your doors seemed to be closed..
Please do remember that you still have me waiting as your last resort ;P
&I'll welcome you warmly with pats on the head and a great big hug. :D

Events! Part 2

2010-11-29T23:56:00.003+08:00

Right, so here I am, continuing my post from last time instead of doing History ._.
Now for Wed..

Ahhhhh...
I remember coming back home from movie date and slept for 20hours.
Omg. I'm a pig. Apparently, I'm the only one from EXCO who slept for this long I think O.O
Gosh..
Okay, so I came home, threw out all the smelly clothes from my bag and went to sleep at 7plus.
And I woke up around 3pm the next day?
!!!
But it wasn't really 20hours I guess.
I woke up at 9plus at first, because the air con man came and I had to shift places for my sleep-.-
Sms-ed cousin about my dream, and then slept again until 3pm. Hee. Imma pro yo :D

Okay, nothing much for that day.
NEXT.

25th.
Met ylc9 early in the morning at sunlove.
Grouped with Chrystall, Esther and Syahira.
Gave out bags of canned food and milo and etc to those residents living in one room flats.
It was a great experience.
The residents were really friendly. They were all happy to receive the bags!
&I'm happy to be contributing something for them, even if it's something small (:
Ohoh.
There was this guy from NorthWest who was requested to help take photos.
And he came with my group o__o
Not to mention the photos will appear in lian he zao bao! EEP.
But I didn't bother buying that newspaper everyday to see if there's any photos of me.
Heh.

Okay, so went home and slacked after that. ;x

26th!
Meeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg.
The only thing I remember was Eling and Elene bullying this I/C of theirs.
They hid my pencil box somewhere.
Kids nowadays. Tsktsk *shakes head*

After meeting, Cousin, Mummy and QinAiDe(lazy type chinese) and Tris too! Went to cold storage to buy ingredients for baked rice and muffins :D
Tris left for her own outing after that.
And we had a fun time baking at my house!
Moreover, the baked rice was damn filling ;x but niceeeeeeee!
Muffins were very sweet too.
I find the chaoda ones nicer to eat. Rofl. Crispy :P
And I pity mummy, she had separators on, so couldn't enjoy much of the food, plus she doesn't like cheese ._.

27th!
Had bagpipe at church. But it was just practice with the pipers and their chanters.
Didn't get to play our instruments cos we were kind of tired.
I was very very very tired. ._.
Right, after pipe, I went to walk around cold storage for awhile.
Saw Cousin when I was going home. Had a heart attack. Lol
Went home, lunch-ed, and slept -.-

28th! Yesterday (:
Went out with mum to Vivo!
Bought a long sleeved checkered top and everlast flats :D
Mum got a top too.
Pull and bear has nice clothes. hehe
Although I've got so many new clothes now, I still wanna shop more though ;x
I feel like replacing my whole cupboard with new clothes now. AHHHH.
I'm addicted to shopping already. Aigoo.

We tooked lots of pictures too.
Even camwhored in a fitting room ROFL
C'mon, the interior design of the fitting room was so grand.
We just had to take photos inside xD

Ate dinner at cwp and tried the shaved/snow ice at the foodcourt there. (:
Home-d!

Today! (Or more like yesterday o.o )
Had fancy drill training.
Well, it's been long since I joined the girls.
Had 2 weeks of cough alrights..
Hugged YangTin when she came in (:
She started shouting how much she misses Vietnam. lols

So basically, it was the tiring standard drill first.
The usual stuff.

Lunch time with Yang Tin was superb (:
Talked about her Vietnam trip and some people. Haha

After lunch, we went back to school for our formation practice.
AHA!
This is the main thing of training here.
We tried out all sorts of songs for our fancy drill.
Whenever a kpop song was played, I'd hyped up and dance to it-.-
My goodness..

YangTin almost decided to use Hoot! OMG. HYPERVENTILATING. ROFL
But in the end, we went with *inserts song* :D:D:D
The beat for that song is sick.
Our drill formation went well with it.
So cool! OMG.
Looking forward to progressing with fancy drill tomorrow (: (or later -.-)

Okay, so I sent YangTin home!
Talked alot on the way! (:

Alrights.
Photos of my mum and me at Vivo will be uploaded here and in FB! But another day. Hah.
She'd probably won't let you guys see the photos in fb, so I'm uploading them here too. Hehe (:

Ahnyeong!

Events!

2010-11-28T00:16:00.003+08:00

All right!
Now I'm finally here to update on Council camp and other events ;x
Had been an emo shit, well, still am actually. hah ;x

Right, so we had Student Council Camp two-double-o-ten on 22nd and 23rd :D
Woke up really early to get ready.
I think I couldn't sleep the night before? Can't remember. lols

So EXCO arrived early to prepare logistics and stuff for the camp.
Some councillors started coming in really early o.o
Took attendance and stuff.
As usual, opening speech, etc etc. And then to yearly meeting!
I walked around, but mostly stayed with Jozoe's and Haiqal's group.
Then next was ice breakers :D
Combined with Jeremy's group.
Could tell that they were really bored.
I guess ice breakers was too long.
And I couldn't really entertain them as I was coughing badly ._.
Right, so after that we had MOULD YOUR MESSAGE!
Kai Li and I played around with the plasticine.
We were being dirty minded ;x AHEM.
She started it *points* xD
Next, the councillors had to do that puzzle frame thingy, where they had to draw or write out on drawing blocks what they think about Student Council (:

Lunch next.
And then we took a video of us wishing happy cny to riverside (:
AMAZING RACE! One of Council's tradition.
Level coords went out with their groups.
Zhi Rong, bosses and I stayed back to prepare logs for terror hunt.
Packed goodies too.
Well, for the preparation, I kind of screwed up.
So yeah, kept quiet after screwing up stuff..
=\ felt really guilty and disappointed..

Okay, so once groups were back, they had a photo taking session.
I stayed and idled in Council Room with Rahayu.
Wet game was cancelled because councillors came back late from the race.
But I bet they had fun nevertheless.

It was around 5plus to 6 when they were back.
So they went to wash up after taking photos and we had dinner (:

MOVIE SCREENING!
We watched the grudge. Before that was happy tree friends, haha xD
Throughout the movie I was behind mummy's back -.-
I only watched one small part, which HAD, and of all the parts where I peeped a little, it HAD to be a ghostly part where the lady was bleeding all over her mouth. WHAT. I will never ever dare to look even for a sec again-.-
But the thing was..the councillors' screams scared me even more -.-
Aish.
After that, terror hunt! A highlight and another tradition of Student Council (:
I stayed at the quadrangle to help out with forfeits.
Alumni came over and talked with us.
Played with glow sticks too (:

Once terror hunt was over, we had supper, and it was EXCO's turn to bunk in.
We slept at the AVA room! With air con :D
Okay, not exactly slept.
The thing was, we stayed up and gossipped, and played, and do up that video that was to be burnt into CDs as gifts for councillors.
Some of them slept like for 30min?
Mummy, Jeremy, Shab and I stayed up the whole night (:
Heh, kind of proud and happy I did that.
Mum and Dad ain't there to nag, that's why xD
And I fell! On my sleeping bag-.-
I hurt my knee, got some scratches and a bruise. Tch-.-
Overall..
It was fun that night, but I had to see something which reminded me of the past.
*shrugs* It's okay. I won't talk about it (': but I will never.. forget it.

Day 2!
Packed up and sent vietnam people off.
Gave Grace one big super hugggggg (: Aww, I love her.
Whenever I see her, I'll definitely hug her now :D
Hugs are great medicines and cures for sadness okay. Hehe.
EXCO ate macs at Council Room.
And I left halfway because of ylc9 event!
Cousin sent me off.
I guess she wanted to see those vietnam people off too o.o
She was eating bread spread with kaya AND nutella-.-" expected.
Thanks for sending me off! (:
Mummy too, when I didn't want to go yet. LOL (:

YLC9 CANtribute @ NorthWest!!
Met Zawani, Atiqa, Seri, Hazim and Fadli at the mrt station and off we went to Holland.
Reached and we were late ;x
It was the peak hours. Not blaming the working people but yeah, can't be helped.
Okay, so I was lost at first, as I wasn't supposed to be appearing there but decided to on that day.
Cliff gave me a job at the aerobics station, turns out all of the members there were from my group!
AWESOME (:
Right, so when the event started, elderly came over to my station and we teached them simple steps of aerobics.
There was a bit of language barrier but it was managable.

When everything was over, I helped to clear up stuff, opening doors, running here and there.
And every 15min, I can hear Gigi's voice " WHERE IS ZHIRONG?" :0
Even her friend started asking me that whenever I see them. Damn-.-"

Lunch-ed there.
But didn't finish the food packet. =\
Still sick, plus.. the only thing I ate since the few days before was bread.
Lost 2kg too.
Didn't have the appetite. So I wasted food. Eeep!

Went home with Elvina, met Seri, Syahira, Zawani and Atiqa on the way.

Then, I reached woodlands!
The thing was, I didn't go home after such hectic events and with a physically unwell body which stinked ;x
The other ylc members went to eat ice cream.
I met Joce at the cinema instead! LOL
Apparently, she just came back from msia and had the urge to watch a movie.
So we went to watch MEGAMIND.
Shared a couple seat with her. Awww LOL
And no problemo! (:
Oh,
Thanks for your ears recently, and the random interrogation, and JiMi's Xing Kong! :D
And the amazing advices that you have for me. No sarcasm intended.
I'm trying hard, okay?
But really thankyou loads, for trying to help when I'm actually a very very very hard person anyone could help, where everyone can easily give up on me (:
And yes, I know it's amazing. Lols. I find it amazing too. But these kinds of things and feelings just can't be explained sometimes huh? Haha
Ohyes!
It's great that I could actually talk lots more on our movie date day huh? LOL
C'mon, be honoured that I'm like that only when with you (: heh.

Before I forget.
Thanks for the stuff from Genting tooooooooo!
The dol dol and the phone chains!
Now I have couple chains with you, :0 quite unexpected for your case actually HAH
I thought you don't like these kind of stuffs, hmm?
But anws,
亲爱的, THANKYOU!!!
I'm so pinkish now. EEP.

Alright, I should leave the rest of the week to tomorrow.
Tumblr is loved too! (:

Tata :D

Emo-ish again :0

2010-11-24T20:25:00.006+08:00

I'm back from Council Camp, YLC event and 20hours of sleep! :D
But I feel so sad right now..
Will blog about those events tmr, right now I just want to pour out a little.

=\
Really.. Council camp for me was mostly emo-ish I guess. Hah.
Partly cos I wasn't feeling well.
Memories from 2years ago kept coming back.
From the first council camp I had.

*contents typed and deleted again due to inability to express sad thoughts and memories*

I'm sad.

SNSD!

2010-11-13T14:34:00.002+08:00

Shall share some things on snsd xD

101112
Only few hours after winning their 2nd MuBank K-chart for “Hoot“, the girls guested on Super Junior Heechul’s Youngstreet Radio. The nine girls sang “Hoot” and “My Best Friend” live. One of the highlight of the guesting is when Heechul asked them to text other celebrities and asked them what animals the girls look like. No English subs yet as for now, but I’ll try to update this post with excerpts from the radio show.

What animals the girls look like?

Yoona texted comedian Jang Dongmin and his reply was “I don’t remember your face, please send me your pic.” LOL I see you trying to be sly, Jang Dongmin. Yoong also texted Super Junior Kyuhyun and he said she looks like a DEER.

Jessica texted SS501 Kim Hyunjoong. His reply was “… a type of a CAT? PERSIAN CAT.” She also texted 2AM Seulong and he replied that she looks like a FOX.

Sooyoung messaged Super Junior Yesung, and he thinks she looks like a character in “Ice Age”. Singer Tim replied that she reminds him of SEAL. Actor Jung Joon (I’m not sure about this one…) replied that she looks like SLOW LORIS.

Yuri messaged Super Junior’s leader Leeteuk and SHINee Minho (OMG MINYUL!); Leeteuk replied she looks like BROWN SHEEP while Minho replied she reminds her of POODLE.

Seohyun texted KARA Nicole (OMG SEOCOLE!) and she said Seobaby reminds her of PARROT. She also messaged 2AM Jinwoon (Seobaby is in trouble trouble trouble~) and he replied she looks like KIWI.

Sunny messaged SNSD’s favorite unnie Kim Shinyoung and she replied that Sunny Bunny looks like a ROBBER CAT. She also texted T-ara Hyomin (SUNBYUNG IS REAL!!!) and the folding screen replied that she reminds her of KANGAROO.

Hyoyeon texted Super Junior Eunhyuk (OMG HYOHYUK!) and his reply was “WORM” lol. Hyo also messaged SHINee Key and his reply was BEAVER.

Tiffany asked 2PM Junho and Taecyeon (WHAT TIME IS IT? IT’S 9PM!) and their reply was that she looks like PUPPY and HAMSTER, respectively.

Taeyeon texted MBLAQ GO (I have no idea they know each other!) and his reply was she looks like KANGAROO ( DANDYU KANGAROOS!). She also texted 2PM Wooyoung (OMG WOOTAE!) and he replied that she looks like RABBIT. While Kim Shinyoung replied that she looks like PTERODACTYL lol.

And this is from happy together!
Kkap Yul!!

HEHE :D

Do you know?

2010-11-10T21:47:00.001+08:00

You do know that I'll start feeling all those negatives again right?
I'm not sure when my bottle will be completely filled up again..

I'm sorry.

Sorry that I can't help but feel all these.
Someone please make it stop ):

O-nOssss

2010-11-10T00:09:00.004+08:00

Hello Bloggie!
Long time no post o.o
Right, so you guys must be thinking that I'm crazy to be here when my paper starts about 8 hours later :/
Whatever, I know I won't get an A1/2 anyways.
Not like my Chinese is ever AMAZING, or have gone beyond my expectations.

Okay.
So I just wanna dust away some dirt particles over here before I get busy again.
Here's something from my dearest 亲爱的 on her fb status:

Me: haiqal not coming meeting today.
Kidkid: really? Why?
Me: dental appointment, think he's getting braces. Haha. Kidkid: OMG really?!? *face full of anticipation*
Me: as gullible as ever *smiles*
Kidkid: means he got no dental appointment today?
Me: can't stop laughing already. Typical episode of how jazlyn always believe my lies and don't believe the facts :D

Btw, Kidkid is me. Haha
Seriously, I keep saying I don't wanna believe her the next time. But I always will in the end-.- Sheesh.
And I'm a 100% kid-at-heart :D
I want Joce to play with me. Yes, play!
C'mon, even SNSD plays at their dorm. Hehe

So random (Y)

Hello you (:
Again, since this is a random post, I just wanna type out something here to you.

You know what?
I miss playing with you too.
That time, when you "copied" me when we sms-ed. Haha it really made me smile.
It's like we're still childish in our own ways.
And it made me happy when you reply me with a "welcome" and a "thanks too" too.
I'm sure others will just call me a weirdo, or crazy and such if I suddenly thanked them.
And I'm really grateful for you to have understood and not questioning me when I seemed to be random at that moment.
I don't know why I thanked you that time.
Perhaps I just suddenly reminisced about all the happy moments we shared in the past.
So instead of feeling sad that we couldn't relive those moments again..
I decided to thank you for them.
Sorry, if two words ain't much, because I didn't know how else to express my appreciation.

Yes, all these are so random, huh? ;x Sorry about it.
But I really like how the simplest of things that you do or say now can make me real happy.
After all those arguements, after all those patching up, after all the drifting apart.
Thankyou for the pats on my head when I was feeling unwell.
Thankyou for the thought of covering me with the blanket!
Thankyou for listening to my rants.
Thankyou for encouraging me.
Thankyou for that heart-to-heart talk even though you did not like me asking those questions and mentioning those kind of stuff to you.
I'm cherishing you more now.
Because you're a wonderful friend to have, &I pinky promise you (:

Not sure if you'll read this.
Not sure if you know that I'm actually referring to you.
Not sure if you'll reply.

But I just wanna share what I'm thinking and feeling on the inside.
Happy thoughts must be shared you know? Haha

*pats head*
x)

Chalet chaos.

2010-10-31T23:46:00.002+08:00

Back home from two day's of chalet!
Didn't blog about yesterday's happenings cos I came back late and was uber tired.
So I'll roughly blog about the chalet today.

Yesterday, met up with panelists and EXCO.
Train-ed to pasir ris and bus-ed to costa sands resort.
What did we do after we checked in?
Oh yes, went to NTUC to buy bbq stuff.
And then back at our room to start bbq-ing.
I slept ;x
Well..
Hibernation is always a temporary good way to run away from problems. haha
Didn't eat much, but people did stuff some food into my mouth. lols

Train-ed home and reached home around 11.
Super late.
1st day of chalet was just food day.
And people like Rahayu going damn high ._.

Today, met Joce, mummy and Chea Yee at breadtalk.
Off to costa sands resort again!
This time we spent our day at escape theme park.
I almost died there -.-

Hmmm..
I still think that we could've done many more fruitful activities.

Went home with Joce and mummy in a taxi.
Okay, so I was being an emo shit most of the time.
Oh well, can't help it ;x

Not going into really detailed stuff of the chalet.

Thanks mummy, for listening and providing me with a clearer solution and choice.
Oh, and thanks for letting me stick to you on the first day ;x hehe
And eating unhealthy food with me for supper hehe
Takecare of your neck okay!

Thanks 青爱的! You're green!
LOL I really thought it was that qing, haha okay, 亲爱的 (:
Thanks for being sucha stalker..for understanding me so well even though I didn't say a word.
I REALLY WONDER WHAT ARE YOU SIA.
Seriously, I really really 100% thought that the viking ship was unsafe!!!
-.- you should stop invading my mind. Hahahaha!

Hwaiting too! Really really thankyou for that encouraging post.
I may not care and console you in that kind of way, but I still do get worried when you're troubled too okay!
So yes, we'll fight this war together and come out of this battlefield stronger than ever (:

I'm glad you've found your place.
Please do stay okay?
(:

Ah, I have so much more to say actually. But shall save the words for some other day.

Truckloads and buckets and loads of Love,
The sky who has never moved.

A week ago, I didn't want to think so much when I came upon that picture.

But now I've changed my mind.

Happy tired!

2010-10-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

Yes! I'm happy tired!
According to Tiff, that's supposed to be an adjective ._. Hehe

I shall talk about today then (:
Had meeting in the morning!
I was late ;x
It's so hard running in flats! Bah.

Meeting was fun.
Thought about tasks and showed EXCO my photoshopped picture of that "ahem ahem"
They like it, so I'm happy and proud of myself :D

Played pool after meeting.
Taught EXCO how to play (Y)
So had a few rounds and off I go to Swensens' one for one with Joce.
So damn full.
Then to Bugis.
Talked all the way about all sorts of crap. Hehe
Once we reached bugis, walked around the junction.
Got something from Artbox and then my storybook! It was so tempting okay ><
Ohoh, and we spotted nice schedulers but they were ex!

Next was to bugis street.
That was the most tiring walk I've ever had in sucha long time!
Went round and round and round the second level, couldn't seem to find the staircase down.
In the end, bumped into CheaYee, WenJie and YangTin and they pointed the escalator to us-.-

Went down and I bought a hoodie!
Then off to Iluma(:
Bought Haiqal's present and then back to Bugis street.
Apparently, Joce thought that she should always buy something whenever she's at Bugis street.
Weirdo.
So she got a short sleeved hoodie. Hehe.

Bus-ed home and we had to stand for 3/4 of the journey due to lack of seats.
Talked talked talked.
This time more about personal stuff.
Well, I was being random all of a sudden. ;x

Had dinner back at cwp.
And then home-d. (:

AH! Joce calculated that I had spent like 10 hours with her.
She should be honoured. Hehe
Thanks for today psycho-ed! And welcome too (:
I can't believe I'm like spending most of my time with her nowadays -.-
And we never run out of topics ._.

Ohoh. And I think Joce has a metoo radar.
She can practically spot metoo stuffs like anywhere and everywhere! Omg. So scary.
And I gave her the idea of being a metoo breeder.
HAHA

Ah yes, one annoying thing was that whenever I head out to Bugis, I always seem to step on something that sticks to my shoe-.-
Retarded me.

So tomorrow's finally chalet EXCO cum panelist outing!
Let's have fun together aites *wink wink*

Jocelyn daebak!
And hwaiting aites (:
I will too.

And noooo, don't tell him about that random thing that I said in the bus okay?? -.-

5th letter.

2010-10-26T19:58:00.002+08:00

Wrote my 5th letter today.
Hmmmmm...
I wonder how long I'm gonna keep this up.
Oh well.

Talked with cousin during recess about something.
While she was shooting ._.
I wonder if I was like disturbing her. ;x

After school had UG meeting.
Wasn't contributing much.
A msg made me pekcek.
Yeeling also fed up already.
I quit. Hmph--

Then the fun part comes!!
Went to play pool with ah guan after meeting :D
Hehehe
I kena thrashed but I really had fun.
Played three games in total.
I kept shooting the black ball in by accident ><
Then the second game, my cue ball kept going in -.-
fed up sia. Give ah guan so many free ball. Pffft.
But she kept shooting my ball in. Thanks uh! LOL
The last game was the only "normal" game we played.
But I still kena thrashed. ==

Went home after I bought hot chocolate to drink (:

Thanks for the games Ah Guan!
Hehehe

I really hope I can trust you. ):

This sucks.

2010-10-24T20:47:00.002+08:00

Not being able to go to kpop night sucks.
Having flashbacks which you want to forget sucks.
Having a meeting that you don't want to attend sucks.
Not being able to buy a bag that you want sucks.
Not being able to confide in anyone right now sucks.
Seeing all those stuff and hearing all those stuff sucks.
Not being able to relive memories sucks.
Rejected hugs sucks.

Being jealous over two people..

Really really sucks..
Big time.

):

Minutes!

2010-10-23T23:02:00.002+08:00

Isit my comp or did Blogger change the design of its homepage??
Anws, I'm just blogging before I bury myself with minutes.

): I think the concert just ended.
Awww... wanted to write something to SoShi but I knew I wasn't allowed to go all the way to expo--

Saw something just now. JUST ONLY. And it made me sad.
That's why I've decided to start on minutes to stop myself from thinking too much again. Bah.
Or else I'll play winterbells.
It keeps me calm (:

Sigh.

Ps uh, Joce.
About not being free tomorrow ;x
One for one next week? hehe.
And let's wait for 71: Into the fire dvd to come out okay.
Then we buy and yeah, like you said, come my house to watch ._.
If you don't mind the fire hazards that will accumulate soon after my clearing up LOL
(:

Maybe I should stop.

Midnight epicness

2010-10-20T23:32:00.003+08:00

Currently waiting for midnight to come.
Because SoShi is releasing a longer teaser at that time for their new album :D i think.

Anyways, shall talk about today.
GB training!
At first I could not remember the commands that I'm supposed to give.
I think eoy had caused a blockage in my brain.
I thought I've already deleted the exam files that are taking up my memory space?!
Oh well :0

Recapped with sec 1s on their drills.
They seriously need to buck up asap.
I can forgive them today, since we stopped drilling for awhile.
But what I want to emphasize the most is that..
THE SEC 1S ARE THE FUNNIEST JUNIORS I KNOW IN THIS WORLD.
Omg. They made me laugh like hell today.
What true love, then the looking down on the commander that part.
Hah! So epic.
And they said that they missed me! Hehe (o"o) blushing. LOLS
Had fun with them today (:

&then I walked cousin home after training.
(:
I really thought I would never do that ever again.
But it felt like today was the last time I would walk her home.
I mean.. our schedules seldom meet, and perhaps at other times, some other people will be walking with her instead.
So yeah..

Tsk. And this girl..
Even advised me about my drill timings
!!!
Boss, I'll take note of that. Thankyou thankyou. hahaa

*pats head* Cousin jiayou aites (:

And the cycle starts over again. When will it end?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

2010-10-17T22:10:00.004+08:00

No, Proton. I didn't rip this off from your tumblr.
I saved this picture since a long time ago. Like during the June holidays or somewhere there. So yeah. Just in case you come screaming to me about ripping :B teehee

So firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR MUMMY! (:
Hehe.
At least you still look young despite aging. ROFL

Okay.
Shall talk about the weekends while they're not over yet.

Yesterday, headed out to Night Safari with relatives and mum.
This year's halloween horrors was so much scarier!
I cried.
When the left side BAHH, then the right side GAHH.
So I AHHH as a response to those ghosts. -.-
But overall, it was great! So much better than last year's.
Pictures will be uploaded onto facebook soon.

Today!
Went to church.
Dr Chua's sermon.
One word.
Scary ):
Well, not the sermon that's scary.
It was how Dr Chua conveyed the message about God's judgements.
God's judgements are scary ):
But Dr Chua always manages to put some humour in between without fail. Hehe
That's why I like attending his services. But that's not the main point of service anyways.
Oh, the choir sang Song of Moses too.
Nice nice.

After service, went to Swensen's to eat lunch.
Called for alot of dishes D:
Damn full.
Mummy shared free ice cream with me. Hehe

After Swensen's, walked around cwp, then off to Raffles' city.
Well, I wanted to buy clothes ;x
Yes yes, it's supposed to be my mum's birthday and yet I'm whining about new clothes. Haha

So in the end, spent the rest of the time at the big ESPRIT outlet at Raffles'.
Bought two dresses and a top.
Yes, you people didn't see that word above wrongly. DRESSES~
Can't imagine huh-.-
Ah whatever. They're nice. (:
And guess what. I rocked the heels!
Mum couldn't walk properly with those kind of high pointy pointy heels.
BUT I COULD. I was so proud of myself. Nyehehehe

Okay, went back home after that serious shopping.
And stick to the comp screen for the rest of the time.
I should be hibernating.
But I guess I'm too SoShi deprived till I had to read back past posts on snsdkorean.wordpress D:
Oh well, at least they kept me entertained.
Which is so much better than crying myself to sleep. :0

I'm moody.
I guess I still need time to think things through.
Which suddenly reminds me of that post which Joce posted a long time ago.
It started with Damn You Jazlyn Song.
What a nice way to start a supposingly encouraging post for me-.-
But it was appreciated (:

Anws, I'm going on a movie date with Joce SOMEDAY.
I haven't informed her when is the SOMEDAY, but it's just SOMEDAY after 21st.
Watching top's movie - 71: Into The Fire.
Ahhh, gonna see my charming T.O.P. *squeals* (but not like a pig)

And I'm waiting for I weekly and xinmsn's response to both mummy and my emails D:
I hope we can get the tickets. Eeep!

Ohwell, what else is on my mind?
Tons.of.stuff.
iguesstheyrestuffswhichjusthurt
Well, that particular dream hurt when I woke up.
The dream was nice but the after effects ain't.
Mummy would understand what I meant.
&mummy, seriously, what you said..
it's stuck in my head :0
But don't worry, you don't have to feel guilty for anything.
Cos it was sort of an alarm to me, it woke me up a little.
I think that was what I needed that time too (:

Maybe it's time I let go of the past and really live in the present.

SL Retreat

2010-10-15T20:27:00.002+08:00

Yay.
I think I feel better after updating livejournal. Haha
Okay, so today had SL retreat.

Morning went for breakfast with Yi Jun.
I think I'm not going macs anymore, after reading yahoo news D:

Okay, so at ecp, we rented bikes and sort of played amazing race.
My group was considered as fast and I'm glad I know ecp well. Hehe
Ate at macs and thankyou Ms Lam for the ice cream treat! (:

Went back to school for lunch.
Discussed with exco and panelists about chalet activites.
Then to dance studio for SL discussions.
About being a good leader.
Then with exco and respective councillors about how to improve council.
Home-d after that.

The SL retreat was meaningful.
I like going to ecp!
But it brought back memories that made me sad.
Hmm.

Anws, thanks mummy, for listening.
I thought I would never be able to find time to talk to you about that.
It's hard mummy, even you told me that you're just halfway there.
It's okay (:

You'd probably...

EOY IS OVER.

2010-10-14T20:44:00.002+08:00

YES, OVER!
Everybody cheered so loudly after the paper, so cool.
The papers were all easier than mye.
Or because I studied, that's why?
Nah, they're all okay. I guess.
Hope I don't regret saying this. lols

Went out with Cousin today.
Shopped at lot one for presents, lot one really very small D: Nothing much there.
And we walked around three times at the basement, cos cousin did not know what to eat. Hahas
At least we didn't walk into a shop three times ;x
Went back to cwp for two other presents since lot one didn't have suitable ones.
We almost died in the mrt.
Hopped onto the train which was supposed to be terminated at Yew Tee. And we rushed for it and I almost got kiap-ed by the door somemore Rofl
Okay, so reached cwp and started shopping~
Bought the presents!
And tada, went home.

Cousin very cute also.
Keep turning to the wrong side. xD hahahaha

Oh well, if you're reading this,
Thanks for today okay (:
I'm glad there weren't any awkward silence-s.
Okay, maybe I'm not the best person to hang out with since I'm quiet and kind of moody today, but thanks for jio-ing me nevertheless (:
Sorry if it bored you, somehow.
And remember to go bugis!
Jinja Kamsahamida *90-degree bow* Gah, I know it's broken korean, but really thankyou aites (:

Retreat tomorrow! Looking forward to it.
(:

Either because of this or I'm really feeling like that.

I hope it's just the former.

Happy Children's Day!

2010-10-01T00:08:00.002+08:00

Omg!

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!

:D I'm no longer a kid but I'm still young at heart okay! Hehe

Well,

EOY is just next monday.

And there's so much more happening!

SHINee, B2ST and U-Kiss are releasing albums soon!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm gonna fall in love. :D

I bet mummy is going crazy right now over her SHINee. Hahaha

My playlist includes two ballads from SHINee's and B2ST's new albums.

I likeeee s2

Hehe, I'm into ballads nowadays.

Removed Taeyeon's solos and added Tiffany's.

I wish Jessica had a solo D:

Rofl.

Alright.

Enough of screaming about kpop.

OH! Before I end off,

SNSD was featured on the cover of a very influential magazine!

First time, a kpop idol group was featured in that kind of magazine too!

I'm proud of them :D

SPAZZING ENDED.

Seee yaaaa sooooon

I'm gonna miss the seniors real baaaaaadly.

Love you guys!!! (:

Lantern fest!

2010-09-24T22:10:00.002+08:00

Went for lantern fest celebration with 2/5 peeps just now!
:D:D:D
Well, it's sorta fun. Considering the number of things we can do there. hehe

Played ice and water at first.
I stepped on muddy grass just to unfreeze Joce and Sheng Rong-.-

Den swings with Joce!

Okay, so we started playing with the candles and sparkles after that.
Mummy, Hui Zhen, Wen Jie, Sheng Rong, Joce, Richard, Jia Hao, Yi Khoon, Jin Yong and Jia Jun were there. Anybody I left out?

Pei Ying, Yi Jun, Kang Ling and Lay Ping joined us later after their dinner. Lols

Messed around with mummy's DSLR! (What I looked forward to the most! rofl jkjk)
Played with more candles and the fireworks! :D

After a while, we splitted into three groups.
Boys went to play basketball, girls went to play blind mice and meddled with the playground stuff.
Jia Jun, Yi Jun, mummy and I were left at the bags area.
Mummy and I danced to kpop!
(:
Had fun~

Once it was very late, I home-d~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JIN YONG!
And thanks for walking me home in the dark :0

Mummy: TAKECARE! Don't burn anymore of your fingers okay! Love you! (:

THE END.

Ohoh.
Am I a goat?
NO RIGHT.
Jocelyn keep propaganda-ing me with this goat and veggie thingy.

"Jazlyn, you are a goat. What do goats eat? VEGGIE!!! Ok? Ok? So you're a goat."

PFFFFT. This retard. Made me stay back and see her do footdrill only.
And she's really despo. -.-call me boyfriend.
HOW CAN A GOAT BE HER BOYFRIEND RIGHT?
She's definitely a retard. :D No logic and common sense...

OKAY. I better stop here, before she kills me.
See ya! :D:D:D:D

Taeyeon - If & Can you hear me?

2010-09-16T23:07:00.003+08:00

Ok, so I got to know these songs recently.
I love them :D
Taeyeon is really an amazing singer.
Hehehe
Omg, I'm spazzing like Joce's bro now D:

Here's the english lyrics.

Taeyeon - If

If I were to go
If I were to get close to you
What would you think?
I don't have the courage

If you were to go
If you were to leave
How could I send you away?
That keeps scaring me

Because I am a fool
I can only look at you from a distance
Maybe your heart will turn away
And so like that, we will become distant again

Because I'm really foolish
I can't say 'I love you'
Maybe waiting for a meeting again would be painful
And I'm afraid my days would become sad

If you were to come
If you were to get close to me
What should I do?
I really don't know

Because I am a fool
I can only look at you from a distance
Maybe your heart will turn away
And so like that, we will become distant again

Because I'm really foolish
I can't say 'I love you'
Maybe waiting for a meeting again would be painful
And I'm afraid my days would become sad

Because I am a fool
I can only look at you from a distance
Maybe your heart will turn away
And so like that, we will become distant again

Because I'm really foolish
I can't say 'I love you'
Maybe waiting for a meeting again would be painful
And I'm afraid my days would become sad

Taeyeon - Can you hear me?

Even though it only hurts a little, tears form
My heart screams out
If I pass in front of you, beside you

You were my whole world
I want only you
But I can't breathe when I'm in front on you

As if you weren't my destiny
As if this was just a fleeting moment
Next to you, who let me go so easily
I got closer to you step by step

Although I cannot move at all
You make me so restless
You make me cry
Like a fool, like a child
I just want to laugh it off instead

As I get closer to you
Although I get more scared
I guess this love cannot be stopped

Why is it just my love that is late?
Just my love that is hard?

Although I'm right in front of you, beside you
You were my whole world
I see only you
But when I'm in front of you, I always look away

As if you were my very last
As if this was my last moment
Next to you, who let me go so easily
Although I cannot move at all
You make me so restless
You make me cry
Like a fool, like a child
I just want to laugh it off instead

As I get closer to you
Although I get more scared
I guess this love cannot be stopped

If even from a long distance
I could look upon you
That's what you call love

If perhaps this yearning, this longing
When it sounds, when it touches
Please just act like you don't know

Although the closer I get to you
The more scared I'll get
This love cannot be stopped

(:
EOY!
Mug time D:

Silence

2010-09-09T16:25:00.004+08:00

D:

Should I?
I don't know.

I have so many people that I'll be worried about.
Especially you, you retarded weirdo.
I have no courage to leave you alone.
Cos I know you'll need me, right right?? Wahahaha
Okay, I'm so full of myself. lols

See what God decides then..
*Prays*

But..
It's true..

That all of us will part someday, won't we?

THE HOLIDAYS! = Mug -.-

2010-09-05T19:08:00.002+08:00

Oh well, holidays are here!
Which means mugging time is here too D:
But I wanna slack!
Aish.

Received the eoy timetable on Friday.
Messy schedule-.-

Alrights, time to blog about recent events.
*sweeps dust away from blog*

Well, yesterday was duty training!
I was staying in the AVA room throughout.
:0 Watched EHB there anyways HAHA

Then had debrief for teachers' day at woodlands CC.
I didn't say much for my part.
Didn't really know what to say.
Except for being guilty for last year's teachers' day..

Well, lunch at RP!
Joce ate her supposedly her breakfast on the way there.
And I ate subway (: Hehe.
Wanted to go woodlands waterfront after that, but Joce decided to stop by my house instead.

Off to cwp first!
Walked around and talked alot.
She bought her metoo cup (:
And whined about the pouch and the other cup at mini toons-.-

Then to my house (:
Watched videos via my tv!
Hahahaha

She borrowed a book about infamous killers from me and then walked to RP for the dance rehearsal.

Dance rehearsal was fun too~
I hope I can remember the steps tomorrow o.o

Left with Joce to cwp again and had dinner there.
She seriously does stupid things when with me.
Eat prawns until like "that".
Fortunately the DSLR wasn't with me, or I'd candid her. HEH

Bus-ed home after dinner.

Today!
Met KaiLi and Yang Tin for church service.
Yang Tin was late :0 as usual. lols!

Went into hall two this time.
There was Holy Communion today! :D
Didn't really listen to the sermon.
Looked through the Bible instead.

After service, ate at macs with them.
Chit chatted~~

Then Yang Tin left for her drums lesson.
Kai Li and I went to timezone to play!
Basketball! They changed the machine :D
So much more worth it now. Hehe

Then we played the hit here hit there that thing.
I don't know how to say-.-
I goaled so many times, but the machine wasn't working.
In the end, Kai Li won me 2-1 -.-
Pffft. Revenge next time.
Then to driving!
I WAS WINNING AT FIRST.
But my car flipped over at the last minute.
My luck so down today uh.
Aiya nevermind, make Kai Li happy then xD
GOGOBALL next!
It was fun :D but the balls didn't seem enough. *sounds so wrong*
And lastly, we tried our luck at the kiap kiap machine.
-.- our skills were lousy..

Anws, will pay you when school reopens okay! (:

Walked around cwp somemore, and I bought something from comics connection~ (:
Then home~

Aish. I think my savings are flying away ):
I need my money fast!
Teachers' day and ccm ):

Alrights. Enough of whining.
Bye!

:D

PSYCHOED OUTING! :D

2010-09-01T00:51:00.002+08:00

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!
:D:D:D

Hehe
So yesterday was the concert and everything.
Well, efforts paid off.
Things were smooth.
Phew.
*Applauses to TDC`1o!!!*

I WANNA SHUFFLE (:
Hardstyle rocka. Heh.

Anws,
After teachers day event, I went to clear the council room.
Full of trash ;x
And got rid of my foot prints outside NPCC room. Hehe

Went to cwp with Joce after that.
We walked, and walked and walked, *Oh! See familiar faces!*, and walked and walked again.
I think we went into almost all of the shops of cwp?? Haha!
And we talked and talked and talked too.
Well, she did most of the talking, as usual ;x

Saw one group of *inserts word* at seoul garden! LOL
I dont know how to describe them.
Big eaters?? or mayb slow eaters. They left after like three or four hours-.-

After walking around and screaming at things.
We finally went to Swensens since it was 1 for 1 at that time.
Paid only 6bucks for my meal :D
I had chicken baked rice! Joce had the curry one.

Okay, so went to walk around cwp somemore.
Full of distractions.
I realised if I were to be alone walking around cwp, I would be a half dead person floating around like some retard.
Ya, at this point, Joce would be full of herself-.-

Then we went to library and borrowed some books for the holidays (:

Bought ice cream, see phones and sushi, then off to Lot 1!
Got a something for someone :D
Walked around Lot 1 and it was time for dinner at 5pm O.O
I was whining to Joce that I was hungry.
And she kept calling me weirdo just because she hasn't seen me eat that much before!
Talk about another weirdo calling me a weirdo. Pffft.

Had dinner at KFC.
Train-ed to Marsiling.
And walked all the way to cwp from there :D
Then parted to our respective buses.
And we realised it was the time when we normally go home from school on usual days ;x lols

Great exercise today.
It was totally SHIOKNESS when I sat down at Swensens and KFC. hahaha

Alright.
So here's a last note.

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO KID GRACE! :D:D:D

Ohoh!

1 SEPTEMBER 8 PM
*raises eyebrow*
NYEHEHEHEHEHE.

SNSD jjiang! (:

2010-08-28T23:15:00.003+08:00

(: SOSHI BOND!

They're owning the world. Yayness!
I want their bond to stay strong forever.
Cos that's how I came to like them.
And they do fanchants along with their fans during performances too!
weeeee :D

Just a random post.

I'm sorry that I can only listen to your prayer.

2010-08-27T23:00:00.008+08:00

Damn you too.
For making me cry twice.

You know, you shouldn't say those things ):
Because it'd make me feel guilty.
Because I can't say/type those words for you just like how you did for me.
Because I know, even if I did, my words won't help.
Because I know you need someone to SOLVE your problems, and not only put in sweet words and encouragements into your head.

Saying "everything will be alright, cheer up" isn't gonna work. That I know.
Nice words may not help. That I know.

So I'm sorry I can't do that. I can't help solve your problems.
But thankyou. For comforting me even when you needed the comfort yourself..

People will drift apart, won't they?
Perhaps one party has changed, perhaps s/he found another.
There are many reasons.

Pain.
It can't be avoided too.

Everything happens for a reason. I guess this quote is familiar huh?
This too:
Everything is ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

But I believe you're still the same person I know.

I'll pray too.
Pray that everything will be alright someday.

If I open my eyes wider and look around before I think, will you go get some sleep and stop tossing around?
The only thing I can do is to sleep only after you've done so,
just in case you need someone to talk to when you start staring into space again. (:

WITH BUCKETS AND TRUCKS AND LAND OF LOVE (Yes, I ran out of nice vocab words-.-)
Your retarded and guillible friend,
Jazlyn
Inserts *Hug - Tohoshinki*
(:

Nah, dedicate all these songs to you. Hahaha

4tomorrow - Tomorrow
SNSD - Himnae (Way To Go)
F.T. Island - Treasure

:D

My eyes hurt.

2010-08-27T20:18:00.002+08:00

If I said I want to disappear for now, what will you reply?

That was just random.
I'm just moodless now.

No more kpop concert for me.

I wanna sleep.
To hibernate.

Overseas.
Sucha headache.
I just wanna escape from this world, lose myself at another area with a different time..

And just be missed for once..

Why are there so many restrictions..?

Overseas.

2010-08-21T20:47:00.001+08:00

Don't you know why I wanna go overseas so badly???

Urgh.
I don't know what to do.

Maybe I've regretted.

2010-08-21T00:00:00.002+08:00

=\

I don't know if I should rely on this blog to pour out anymore..
I feel like I can't pour out anything to anyone anymore..
I think that nothing can be solved anymore..

I just have to live with my troubles I guess.
Just one more year.
And I can let everything go (:

Endure Jaz...
Even if you can't bear to see people leave.

Don't stop loving Jaz...
Even if they don't love you back just as how you expect them to.

Do not regret Jaz...
Even if you make the same mistakes and get hurt by others continuously.

Smile Jaz...
Cos that's what you deserve.
Happiness.
(:

Be strong.

EHB! :D

Dance routine ;x

2010-08-10T16:25:00.002+08:00

“I love you” doesn’t really mean that I want you to be mine. In fact, it’s another way of saying, “I’m happy to see you happy with someone new even if it’s killing me.” So I guess I love you. -From some quote website.

Someone please teach me how to forget..

Learning Replay by SHINee now!
It's good exercise, seriously.
You sweat alot :D
Heheh.

Oh well, school's tmr.
I wanna pon.

Back to the dance!

Seeyou.

FIRE HAZARDS!

2010-08-07T10:56:00.010+08:00

Look! I have a Yesung wallapaper on my tv!
ROFL

Joking~
Yesterday NDP was great!
Well, abit of a cock up here and there, but heard that colours are still coordinated and others didn't realise any mistake! :D
COLOURS PARTY FTW!
Okay, so after NDP had a NDD rehearsal.
Then went to cwp with Yi Jun, and met up with Joce after that.
After lunch, the two monsters came to my house and we watch Mr Brain and KPOP MVs and shows on my tv through my comp xP

Ohyes, they were saying that my house has a lot of fire hazards-.- oh well.
Here are somemore pictures of my tv wallpaper HAAHA

*SCREAMS* :D

LOL playing bejeweled.

Yay.
I wanna thank God for sending these two "angels" to my house yesterday.
Well, without them, I guess my day would be worse..

And today!
PCF NDP! :D
And then breakfast at KFC with Yi Jun.
Heh heh (:

Joce will be going to a forum later.
Told her to msg me if she's bored. (:
Happy monthsary!
And cheer up aites. (:
Yes, I remembered.
How can I forget? Hahas.

Alright, gotta go.
Ending with an emo note:

I guess I expected too much.
Give me time to heal.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

2010-08-03T18:58:00.002+08:00

Got this from Kai Li's blog.
(:
Shall start on it today.

Yes, I know I know.. I should be studying bio-.-
Ah whatever. ;x

Right.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Day 1 - YOUR BEST FRIEND

CAN I INCLUDE TWO? :D
Well, they're not exactly my BEST friends..
And not exactly not considered as BEST too. xD
I don't know how to consider them as what.
Just really really close friends for now (:

Jocelyn and Yi Jun!
(:
Let me introduce them then.

Jocelyn is my psycho-ed partner!
Practically, we're like "twins".
With the same "type" of name as well xD
When people calls "JOCELYN", I'd turn.
When people calls "JAZLYN", she'd turn. LOL

Well, this friend here makes me smile, and never leaves me out.
Craps with me, teases me, say the same words as me at the same time. xD
Of course, there are differences.
Which make us close all the same (:

We're both retarded and weird people xD HEH. You can't deny this, Joce.
We'd hang out at swings. Chatting, and enjoying our surroundings.
Well, that place holds the most memories of us together (:

This is a friend who is important, whom I love, whom I cherish.
Yes, this is my psycho-ed partner :D

Now for Yi Jun!
HAHAHAHAHA.
I see her name I want to laugh already.
LOLS

Ah Guan ah!
CANTO ACTION!

:D
This is my canto friend! My Jerry mouse!
Recently, we've gotten very very close to each other.
Started with her screaming about kpop into my phone? HAH.
Today she said to me "it's suprising how I got close to you when we're from different classes."
I was like "TRUE ._."

I know one other thing that is true too.
She makes me forget all my troubles when I'm with her (:
And.. She reminded me how to laugh and smile TRUELY again.
Yeah. Not fake smiles.
Smiles that are from the bottom of my heart.

Now I wouldn't have higher risks of heart problems when I'm with her.
LOLS

So these are my current "BEST" FRIENDS (:

Specially for Yi Jun

2010-08-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

This is for Ah Guan.
AKA Yi Jun JERRY! (:

Thank you loads loads.
Really, I wouldn't have realised it until you mentioned it today in the letter.
Yes, I guess I have brighten up abit because of you (:

Psycho-ed partner also got play part of the role okay!
Yang Tin also luh. lols

Thanks (:

CANTO ACTION!

Ah Guan hai ngo ge hou zong you ge pang yao :D

2010-07-30T22:43:00.003+08:00

I'm so happy and high right now! :D:D:D
PLEASE DON'T COME OUT ANYTHING THAT WILL DESTROY MY MOOD OKAY! >;0

Had the 3rd last NDP training today.
Well, was rather okay.
Seeing YiJun and Wen Jie kachiao-ing RAJA was funny xD
I'm beginning to accept my PC already, well kind of :D
Arshad, if you're seeing this, don't target me okay! :D MUAHAHA

After training, went to eat KFC with Yi Jun!
Finally treated her after so many weeks/days. Heh.
Took this opportunity to bully her a bit also xD Along with Kelvin. lols!
Yeah, met him and his gang there too.

Went up to look for Ozzy Ousbourne's album >:0
As expected, he looks so scary.
*SHIVERS*
There's this thing about playback music nowadays, they contain hidden and scary meanings about satan.
SHEESH.
Heard that lady gaga is one of them ._. scary ya know.

Well, straight to the point.
I'm happy not because chem paper was a breeze. (obviously it was not)
I'm happy because(going in chronological order):

1. I proudly helped Jocelyn with her ENGLISH HOMEWORK, which, apparently, was to come up with a small paragraph of her embarrassing moment. HAH HEELS BROKE AND SHE FELL FORWARD. LOL okok don't kill me!
Well, Jocelyn makes me happy everyday (:
Aiya, kind of. ROFL xD

2. YIJUN GAVE ME ANOTHER LETTER TODAY! I REALLY REALLY LOVE HER LETTERS! Cos they can make me smile or even laugh out loud even when I'm really really down :D She rocks! :D

3. GB! Well, lizard experience was horrible. But screaming everything out was fun xD HEH

4. NDP! Laughed a bit at some things :D:D:D YIJUN KNOWS. XD

5. Got a hug from Diyanah, PROTON!!!! I needed one so badly recently, even though I'm quite hyper these few days. Thank you so much! Love ya :D

6. KFC WITH YIJUN! Talked crap, stories, gossip, KPOP!, canto, ozzy ousbourne! HAHA :D i love hanging out with her!

7. Tumblr! Never fails to make me feel..hmmm SATISFIED. Cos all the pictures just seem to reflect my very ownself xD

8. Cousin's sweet response! (:

All these eight made my day today.

I shall have a good night's sleep tonight.
"IN YOUR FACE YIJUN!"
Tts what I want to say to her tmr if I won't have nightmares tonight ;P

BYE PEOPLE.

Will be a good girl and chiong maths and physics and maybe a little bit of Bio :D
Fridays are like my day offs, you know. (:

Lost two, gained three.

2010-07-19T21:58:00.002+08:00

It's weird.

I "lost" two friends..
yet gained back another three.

I really wonder how I got close to Jocelyn, YiJun and Yang Tin in the past few months.
What I know is,
I'm loving them (:

The other two?
They just make me confused..
They make up memories filled with pain, yet with happiness too.

Rahayu!
I'm still going strong aites (: Heh.

Erase those memories please.

2010-07-17T20:01:00.003+08:00

):

I wanna erase those good memories.
Looking back at them, it hurts and they can make me cry.

If someone asks, "are you two close?"
I will reply,

".. not anymore."

'O' NOOO D:

2010-07-13T18:15:00.002+08:00

Yup, had 'O' level oral today.
Haven't been updating lately O.O

Anws, the oral..
I can say I did better than the mid year one?
Plus it was easier than yesterday's one, I think ;x

Not sure if I should happy or sad though.
Cos I know my standard of chinese still isn't that of a HMT student.
I bet the teachers must be thinking of how ironic it is for me to be in HMT.
Even Kid thinks the same-.-

Oh well, it's over.
And thanks to all those friends who gave me encouragements.
WHO WANTS ME TO SIGN THEIR CARD?
rofl

NDP tomorrow!
Gonna hold my flag again! :D

Oh, and Joce better be back tomorrow.
I almost died without her today! D:

Peace! (:

Shit happens.

2010-07-07T19:26:00.000+08:00

You will never know what shit happens in a UG CCA (:

*Beams*

Wrong.

2010-07-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

Things went wrong today.

Just smile.

2010-07-01T18:02:00.003+08:00

My thoughts are hard to write out, or even share for that matter.
In my head, it all makes sense, but in my mouth, words refuse to form.
It's very frustrating, and that is why I will always just smile.
I'm sorry that when I'm sad that I will smile.
It's a whole lot easier than explaining everything or anything at all.

Battling with myself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIYANAH! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RAHAYU :D

2010-06-29T18:59:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY RAHAYU!
Yes, that's her in the middle, the unglam one :D hehe

She's always there to tease about me and Zhi Rong-.-
Going crazy for 8th EXCO!
Making weird faces when the cameras are on her xD
She's also always there to advise you!
She's loud, crazy, cheerful and always smiling (:

She became my older sister on 14th June, 12.04am! :D
LOLS
Yes, that's my sister ;P
The one who is always approachable no matter the situation (:

Sorry luh, didn't send midnight wish to you cos I was chionging my chinese homework until 1am ;x
Sorry sorry.

But here I am, posting a post for you! Muahaha.

Thanks for listening to me and to my endless questions!
Thanks for being there when I didn't have anyone else to talk to during my first day of camp (:
You sure did cheer me up! And made me stop crying D:
Thanks for assuring me too, that it's alright even if my friends are not there to celebrate my birthday with me.

Right now, I'm still keeping that midnight msg of yours on my birthday.
Cos it means a lot :D
I was quite surprised at first.
Never thought you would think the same or be in a similar situation as me :O
I'm glad that someone understands :D

Like I've always said.
Stay strong aites!

And yes, I'll always remember you too!
Thank you for stepping into my life (:

Happy Birthday!

With love,
Small Face!
Jazlyn :D

A once in a lifetime alarm.

2010-06-28T16:49:00.003+08:00

Finally the first day of school in semester two!
Bahhh..
Can't believe the June holidays just passed like this.

Right, first day of school today was unexpected.
Realised I had been limping around since last Friday.
Something's wrong with the bone or muscle connecting my thigh to my hip.
Zzz.
It hurts when I walk normally.

Okay,
So I was noisy in the Council room today.
Was super high somehow.

Blah blah blah.
Right, this is what I wanna talk about and had been on my mind since morning.
The emergency drill.
Was picked out by Chea Yee to give out the registers and collect them back from the teachers.
Got a scolding from Mdm Soh,
Cause apparently, I forgot that not all registers are needed to be accounted for.
So I was standing there waiting for all the sec 3 registers to be handed in to me.
Damn it.
Mdm Soh saw it and she told me off.
Still, I pretended that it didn't matter and just smiled back to my place.

I knew I was wrong.
I was angry in the inside at first and blamed someone else for the scolding I got.
Well, after cooling down I admitted to myself that I was wrong.
(:
Joce brought me back to reality with her retardness. -.-
Pffft, I still find her water bottle funny HAHAHAHA xD Shhhh...

So yeah, lesson learnt.
Realised the scolding from a teacher seemed to happen a long time ago anyways. *thinks*
It was for my own good. haha

Back to work ):

Who?

2010-06-26T21:11:00.003+08:00

For nothing.

2010-06-26T19:05:00.002+08:00

It was for nothing.

Nevermind.

Deep thoughts.

2010-06-25T21:10:00.002+08:00

Words unspoken.
Actions transparent.

Feelings blocked.
Hearts locked.

Barriers between
many unseen.

Friendships shift.
Friends drift.

Just my thoughts.
Many words I still haven't listened to.
Many actions I still have not seen.

I'm disappointed.

Homework frenzy!

2010-06-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

OMG.

School is gonna reopen soon!
Bahhhhhhh..
Homeworks not done.

I'm quite lazy to blog about YLC9 right now ;x
and AEM too.
Haha, gonna skip tmr's.
SGT'S WEEKEND, like finally!

Oh yes,
here's a big THANK YOU to 8th/9th EXCO, Cousin and Psycho-ed partner, for the presents! :D
EXCO got me an mp3 player, the KUBE one :D so cool.
Cousin's present was special (:
For me to know and for you to find out!
xD All I can say is that, everything was sweet and I can see that lots of thought was put into it.
Greatly appreciated (:
Joce's one was unexpected!
It was an extra present from Korea..
Yeah, she kept it since March and only remembered about it now-.-
Well, thanks! :D
I was touched since you said that you didn't want people to think you're biased and you actually bought that for me. Heh (: I tell you, the bear can do splits! xD

On the other hand..
I'm still quite disappointed.
Well, not like I'm expecting presents or anything else.
It just makes me think that..
"I'm missing".
It's okay if you don't understand what I mean ;P

AND CHEA YEE BOUGHT THE WRONG OBS SHIRT FOR ME D:
Bahhh, money fly away just like that.
But it's okay, the shirt's outstanding from the rest though. hahaha
Gonna get her to buy for me again the end of this year.
PLEASE DON'T BE THE WRONG ONE AGAIN! xD

Oh well,
time flies.
I nida start homework ):

Where's my Dora bag...?

Presents!

2010-06-21T21:18:00.007+08:00

Back from YLC9 camp yesterday, and today had AEM!
Was quite boring during the lectures, but still had some laughters in between with those funny kids xD
Will blog about camp another time.
Now shall post pics of presents that I've received so far!

Pencil box from Joce.
Hongbaos from parents.
The sweet was from a cute GB D.I. I met from corporal's camp `10 :D

This.. is what I call "KNOW ME SO WELL"-.-
Yi Jun got me this!
It's kookoo lights up when I receive calls or send out messages ;x
Hornehhh!

Chea Chee got me the notebook and bookmarks!
The book has a little story in it, don't worry, will use the book for work purposes!
And that small necklace was from Yee Ling. Ah! Forgot to take pics of snsd cards and photos!
Nvm :D

Bookmarks from Yi Jun too!

It's nice right?
Headphones over the heart, with music notes dangling below it.
It represents my love for music :D

Yes, that's the pile of homework I haven't completed. Darn-.-

Right, back to work (:

Proton's letter

2010-06-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

Click the pic Proton.
Sorry if it's small ;x

You see that bird?
It's you.
When the bird stood on the cable, I immediately thought of you and took this picture, with writing words on it in mind.
Wanted to give it to you as a souvenir before, but didn't had anything to say in mind.
I guess it came in good use now (:

Actually I have a lot more to say..
But somehow can't express my feelings and thoughts right now.
Your msn conv was so sudden.
And I knew I had to reply those words of yours before camp.

Takecare aites (:

Right!
I'm 15 years and 3 days old now!

I've got so many more people to thank!
Kai Li, Diyanah, Jia Jun..
And those facebook peeps!
&many more!
Sorry I can't list them down now D:

Tmr is my camp!
&I've got to finish up my packing.
Will be away until Sunday people!

And an advanced welcome back to those OBS peeps!
:D

Bye!

Where's my star?

2010-06-14T22:30:00.003+08:00

Heya.
Second post of the day?

Went out with Yee Ling today.
She bought snsd stuff and a necklace for me, I got her a nike water bottle.
Didn't had that usual mood to crap a lot a lot with her.
So most of our walks were quiet, I did try to be lame to liven up the mood a little.
But it was plain boring ):
Yee Ling was feeling sian too.
Home-d earlier than expected in the end.
But oh well, we got our presents anyways. haha

I'm seriously missing cousin..
Tried being hyper after that birthday song, but it made me miss them more ):
I wonder what they're doing now.
You know what?
The whole day my mind was filled with questions.

What are they doing now?
Are they having fun and enjoying themselves?
Did they get hurt?
Are they tired?
Why can't time just pass faster?

How are you?
Are you thinking about me?
Are you alright?
Are you doing well with her?

And I just keep reciting "Please be alright.." in my head over and over again.

I'm really worried. ):
Whenever I don't know what's going on, I'll get worried ):
&I really feel empty and lonely.
Even if I'm with someone.
I'm sad..

Please hurry up and be back asap..
Please..?

I just want to talk again.
I feel so insecure when you're far away.
Like something bad's gonna happen..

My heart is thumping very fast right now.
&I'm almost crying..

I'm lonely...
Not alone, but lonely..

Remember that decision I'm supposed to make today?
I've decided.

I'm not gonna give up on you.
Although I may get angry at times,
I believe those emotions just surfaced on impulse.
You still make me smile.
Even though I may get confused by your actions, and feel sad that some words are left unspoken..
You're still an awesome star (:
Loved your message.
Be strong aites.

FIFTEEN!

2010-06-14T10:33:00.002+08:00

I am fourteen, going on fifteen, la la la la la la~
xD

Yes! I'm finally 15 years old, and the OBS peeps are finally away from home! D:
I was touched (:
Cos they sang a birthday song for me in their van! While I was still in bed-.-

I'll miss them sooo much.
But I've got things to concentrate on too.
At least I have my distractions!

&I wanna say thankyou!
To Jocelyn for that pencil box (Did you get yourself one too? Pair right? ._. )
To Mummy and Daddy for the hong baos xD
&To a GB friend for the sweet! (Haha, Yee Ling and I thought she was cute to give us a sweet each as a bday present, well, appreciated much!)

And to the following people for the wishes! :D (Not in order!)

Yi Jun
Jin Yong
Chea Chee
Haiqal
Matthew
Snowden
Jocelyn
Chea Yee
Rahayu
William
Hui Zhen

Well, these are the people who wished me so far (:
Will add on to the list if there's any :D

& THANKYOU SO MUCH TO OBS PEEPS! :D
That birthday song was touching (:

Mummy
Tricia
Jocelyn
Chea Yee
Jin Yong
Richard
Afiqah
Ling Xin
Dorothy
Nabil
Daan
Zhao Wei

Not sure if the last few people did sing or not, but thanks anyways! :D

Hehe

Offffff I gooooo~

NACLI! Wait for me! >:D

OBS.

2010-06-13T23:04:00.002+08:00

):
Why can't I have the chance to go with you guys..?
I haven't been this sad in a long time..
):
I feel empty.

I wish I could rewind time.

Close.

2010-06-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

What is the meaning of "close"?
I can't help but to type out these thoughts now..
I have been thinking for quite some time, amidst the "happy" me..

Yeah, when did we ever become so close?
You asked me that before.
You and you too.

But hey, everytime that question pops out from my friends..
I just can't help but to feel scared.
What if.. we drift apart the next moment?

If we weren't in the same class, if we weren't sitting beside each other, would we have gotten this close?
Right now, I'm happy.
I'm happy with this healthy friendship that we have.
Somehow, I thought...
that this friendship with you was the happiest one I've ever had in Riverside so far.
Not number 1, not first priority, not V.I.P.
Just important. (:

Be honoured, okay. Hahaha

However, I do still have doubts.
Considering those past friendships I've had.
Well, not to be considered as "past"...but I guess "drifted" should be that word.

I'm glad I don't get jealous when you're with others.
That would harm both of us.
I'm glad I'm able to let you go with him too.
That's what its supposed to be.
No jealousy. No envy.
And healthy quarrels in between which doesn't ruin our friendship that much. Haha

And yes, I'm happy..
that you've never made me think that I was neglected.
Okay, maybe sometimes, but I know those were just assumptions so I brushed them aside.

Well, I know you'll call me "dumb" for thinking of all these.
Or maybe shiver at the sight of my words.
I'm just pouring out what I'm thinking anyways.
But don't avoid me for all these -.-

Although I may think of all these..
I still have this shimmer of faith amongst the doubts I have..

I want to believe one last time..
That you won't leave.
I've seen so many people leaving, that I really do get scared sometimes..
I get hurt.
I think you'll know what my words mean.
You and I have felt the same things, the same doubts but with different people.
Guess you'd understand.

So yeah,
this is for you, my friend.
Just a few words from this birthday girl here. Heh.

I'm gonna treasure this friendship we have.
&this time, I really don't want any more troubles.
If we have any quarrels in the future,
I hope we'd settle them fast and be back as partners again (:

And on a random note,
I hope you're doing well with him.
May you two last long.
Happy belated 8th month. Forgot to wish you two this month D: hahaha

Psycho-ed! ;D

Right,
so now it's for this other not so close, yet close person.
My twin, who has the same birthdate and birthplace with me, but was born earlier so that makes her older than me -.-
Unfairness.
Well, it's a nice feeling to be the younger one anyways. hahaha

This is an early dedication I guess.

Hey Yee Ling!
I know you won't be reading this, but.. *heck cares*

Somehow, we really do have that connection as twins.
Although, we don't talk as much on a daily basis..and we usually see each other once a week or even not at all..
whenever we meet, we're still able to click really well :D
&I love that loads!

With the both of us,
we shoot people, we have sarcasm,
and we make bad jokes together xD
Not to mention, gossips!

Heh Heh Heh.

Well, birthday girl..
Have a blessed birthday this month aites (:
Looking forward to going out with you and exchanging presents xD
But I still don't get why you're lazy to eat ice cream at swensen's when it's FREE!
For goodness sake, FREE! D:

LOLS. Okay, I should stop here.

Will really miss those who are going for OBS.
Enjoy yourselves there (:

Oh, Joce! If you're reading this...
*MORNING CALL ON MONDAY PLEASE!* xD

Lost and Found! :D

2010-06-11T15:59:00.003+08:00

Today will not have any tumblr pics!
Although there are really some that I wanna post right now, but..
NEVERMIND! Shall put those aside for other days..
Cos I'm happy today!

Yes!
Lost items are now found!
I can never do without a laptop charger haha!
Yes!
My youtube is working again!
Yes!
My braces was a success!
&Yes!
My birthday's coming! :D:D

Heh heh heh.
Gonna celebrate my birthday later with family.
Although it's early, but yeah, it's okay (:

And to you!
You're welcome! (:
I guess I'm really happy..
That you're treasuring that gift alot..
Yes..Some things just aren't meant to be replaced.
Once something holds a value, its value will always be there right?
I'm glad I found it too.
I knew that the rest of the pens will be lonely, and it won't seem like a "family" anymore with a member missing.
Don't fret!
Right now, its in safe hands. wahahaha

Takecare while you're at OBS aites!
I won't be able to message you for a week, cos I've got another camp to attend too.
Go have some fun with him anws (:

~~~~NOTICE~~~~

=NO SOFTTOYS PLEASE=
=Pencil box booked! (By Jocelyn)= :D:D:D <3

Bye!

Action speaks louder than words?

2010-06-08T15:38:00.002+08:00

So true...

6 more days.

Change.

2010-06-06T11:24:00.009+08:00

That's right.
Whenever I meet someone new, they'd leave.
When they ask, "How did we get so close?"
The next moment, we'll drift apart...

Had been having dreams of it lately..
I don't know why..
But somehow in those dreams, it's like I could really feel your warmth..
It always makes me sad whenever I wake up..

Looks like this June is a transformation for me :D

New fringe, new shoes, new clothes, gonna pierce my ears, and what else.. BRACES?!
Hahaha
Well, the piercing isn't confirmed yet.
But the braces part is xP

Extracted four teeth out yesterday D:
The dentist also places 7 tiny blue rubberbands in between my molars..
I can't bite solid food you know..cos of the pain ):
Hope my teeth and gums will heal soon.

Well, people.
Look forward to my new look! xD hehe.

Counting Down.

2010-06-03T18:10:00.009+08:00

This is for Mummy, Proton, Psycho-ed partner, Cousin, Bestie..and most of all, myself (:

Everybody's just leaving.

Still holding on to hope..

All of us are.

I don't know..
I think I used to have an answer..
But right now, I guess I'm just waking up for the sake of it. Hah

Went to Science Centre with 3/6 today.
Attended a workshop there.
Had to create a heat shield for that space rocket thingy..
Of course, the "space rocket" was a nail glued to a wooden rod.
Had fun, my group pwnd the others in stage 2 xD

After the workshop, went to watch the IMAX movie about beavers with Ms Teo, Pei Xuan, Doris and Jocelyn.
Ms Teo treated us! :D
Ate popcorn lols
And yeah, the movie was super cool..Documentary actually.
Joce and I were wondering how those people filmed the beavers..
So cool :0

Walked around in the shop after that..
Bought Macs, travelled back to school..
And parted ways with Joce.

Met EXCO!
Bought logistics for Farewell (:
It was a tiring yet nice trip. Haha

Ohoh.. AND THE SJAB KEYCHAIN WORKED!
It fit into the trolley's hole :3 hehe

Alright..
Nida look through proposal and start editing the ppt already.
I wanna sleep.. My eyes can close anytime D:

Bye~

Stay strong aites.
&eat please!

11 more days.

14 more days (:

2010-06-01T21:08:00.021+08:00

I'm back!
Decided to spam tumblr photos since Kai Li spammed too xD

This is still what I feared the most..
from the beginning till now..

Rawr..=\

Ouch..

14 more days..

I'll learn...

One of my birthday wishes! haha

Locks of love.. (:

Ahhhh, how cute xD

Aish..
Haven't been myself lately.
I've become an angry person.
I get pissed easily.. And I tend to rebel to things that I don't like..
I wonder what's wrong with me.. ):
I want the old me back..
Or I'll start to hurt everyone around me soon with this current hateful soul of mine..

Right, it's finally the 1st day of June! (:
Time to list down my birthday wishes..
Well, fantasy wishes first..

Have a clique (half yes half no D: )
OR
BFF!

Well, the these two are what I usually fantasize about..
The wish got deeper when I saw variety and radio shows on snsd ):
The reason why I like them because they're fun people, they never fail to make me laugh, and of course, they have a bond that I envy alot alot..which I'm dying to have with people..
Not just make friends and then leave..
haha

Now for realistic things.

1.Truffle cake! (I'm hesitating though, it made my throat go bad last time >:0 )
2.Learn vibrato! (I really wanna learn..since a long time ago..)
3.Hugs!
4.MYUK pencil box (the big one)
5.Lots of letters with nice words that I wanna hear/see (:
6. EXCO Outing!
7.All of us to be happy..

Well, seems like only no. 1 and 4 requires kaching.. hehe x)
Can't really think of anything else for now..
The things I listed are what I need.. haha!

And there's somemore which I want to keep to myself for now..
14 June is when I decide everything.
MERONG!~ XP lols!

I miss those days...
But thanks..
for letting me know those things I'd never known for so long..

Tata!
Physics tomorrow!

Snsd loves <3

Dream in happiness.

2010-05-29T09:04:00.007+08:00

This shall be one of my birthday wish :3
To wish that no silence between my friends and me will be awkward,
esp cousin.

=\

Nothing more. Nothing less.

Went to 313 yesterday.
Ate a lot :D
AND I FOUND MY HOLGA CAMERA!
Gawd...
Cheapest was 52.90kaching. Most expensive was 208.90kaching.
So cool..
I want one ):

Came back home at around 11.30pm.
And slept. Haha

And had a dream..
Dreamt of something which made me damn happy in that dream..
but when I woke up I was sad..
Cos I know it won't happen in reality.

You stupid weirdo.

2010-05-26T21:01:00.003+08:00

You stupid weirdo.

Screw you. ):

Now, I know..
I still have a little bit of hope left.
Just a little.

Pissed.

2010-05-26T20:50:00.003+08:00

You know what?

FUCK LA!

Picking those broken pieces and fixing them back,
will only make my hands bleed.

Just leave it like that.

Maybe I won't even wait till my birthday.

I'm alone. Not lonely, alone.

Screw you, stupid person.

2010-05-25T17:37:00.007+08:00

Screw you, my dear heart and mind.

I already have a few birthday wishes that I want to be granted..
These wishes aren't something that you can get from a shopping mall..
These are wishes that I really need.. Yes, need.
These wishes..
Are just wishes..
That can only be hoped for..
&not granted.
Definitely.

Oh..
I finally remembered what I was pissed yet sad about at the same time.

I don't want to go for OCMC interview with you guys.
You know why?
I find my answers stupid everytime I go for an interview.
I look down on myself and my potential.
Guess this is the result when everyone calls me stupid.
I agree though.
I agree that I'm slow.
I can't lead well.
Yeah..
Improvement?
Slow.
Everything's slow.
My mind's progressing slowly.
When I learn to say vulgarities, it's slow too.
Only now I learn to say FUCK YOU.
Oh, I don't even know what I'm talking about now.

Yes, I'm stupid.

You know what?
Somehow..
I suddenly thought that I'm not seeing you as a friend now..just some person higher than me who gives me work to do. Not only you, but you too.

Just pouring out :D

I don't want to treat you like how I did last time anymore.
I don't want to.

But I'm still waiting for my birthday..
To hear what you have to say.
If your words tell me you don't want me to stay,
Then so be it, I'll go away.

Gee~

2010-05-23T23:34:00.006+08:00

That's why I wanted to go Hong Kong..
To be away for 6 days..
To be detached from this current world of mine..
&So that I would be missed...

I just wanted something like that to happen.
Not the other way round.

Please.

Or..
Maybe when I'm gone..
It would still be the same..

Won't it?

A day of laughter with EXCO (:

2010-05-22T18:47:00.002+08:00

Yay! I'm back after sucha long time :D
Haven't been emo-ing lately..
Not so much of those thoughts..
But of course, from time to time, I'll still think of it..
And it'll immediately make me sad..
like now.
-.-

Recently, I'm just this happy kid, jumping around, spoiling my voice box x)
Ignoring certain stuff. Pretending certain stuff.

And..
I'm happy that part of that awkwardness between cousin and me has subsided.
Still improving.
Well, after that practice just now.. she wanted to go eat dinner with me...
But I said I thought of going home instead...
I'm just scared that it'll be awkward between the both of us again ><
Sorry cousin D:

Right.
Today was fine.. (:
For R3 day, 3/6 took the blocks which the same as last year's 2/5.
Aww, I wanted a new venue.
Collected lots of newspapers, but wasn't as many as last year's. Haha

Went to CWP to eat at KFC with Joce and Zhi Rong after that. Cousin joined us awhile later.
Chatted chatted, and walked to RP after that to meet the rest of EXCO.

Had fun practising our "thingy". xD
I laughed a lot.
In addition, I got to watch girls dance to SNSD's songs!
They kept doing Run Devil Run though D:
But still got to see Oh! and Gee.
Heh heh. SNSD less than three! <3 LOLS

Crapped alot. &laughed alot.
9th EXCO less than three too! <3 HEHE.

Went home after the practice.
Walked alone. Shiokness.

&now I'm here trying to get that mood to do minutes and a proposal. lols

Is it alright if I'm like this?
I've changed..
Somehow knowing how to talk to you without feeling awkward is a good thing..
Yet I've also wondered if it meant that I don't regard you as that important anymore..
True.. Sometimes I do have that "heck care" thought..
Could it be that I'm starting to let go...?

A lesson.

2010-05-16T01:55:00.004+08:00

Ahhhhh~
I'm so in love with SNSD now, watching their shows and all, that I have totally no mood for other stuff.
Yesterday I even slept at 4am! Omg, &woke up at 7.30am ._.
Right now it's coming to 2am.
I think I'd better go sleep before someone starts scolding me.
haha

MYE was horrible~
But I'm too lazy to bother about my results-.-

Went out with Joce, Mummy, Chea Yee and Tricia today.
She led us to the shirt shop before she head off somewhere.
So the rest of us went to get our logistics for pslt (:

Helped to carry the stuff up to mummy's house and then continued to shop with Joce at cwp.
Ahhh, we were really like mini santa clauses carrying those big red bags of goodies and stuff like that.
Haha

Bought a new pen from mini toons!
Mine is red and has the "loser" sign, Joce's one is yellow and the "peace" sign (:
Looking forward to our next outing! Hahaha

Alright.
One last episode of Hello Baby and then sleep ;x
Bye bye.

Even if there's still a feeling of emptiness..
I'm really glad I have other friends to fill it up, even if it was just for a day..
I'm still confused after so long...
I can't stop.
I can't help but to think..that you're just a "lesson" given to me ever since I met you.
Not meant to be close...
Just a "lesson" taught after the simple and short closeness, to know what pain feels like.

Dear Mom.

2010-05-08T14:32:00.002+08:00

Love SNSD (:
Changed blogsong to "Dear Mom" by Girls' Generation.
English lyrics:

For some reason, today feels so difficult and exhausting
I hold my pillow closer as I sit alone in my room
I fidget with my phone as my heart
For some reason feels empty today
The suddenly ringing phone surprises me
I hear your voice, asking me if I ate today
Although at times, they annoyed me, today those words feel different
And all the forgotten promises I've made come flooding back to me

I will become a warm hearted person
I will become a person that puts others first
I will fulfill the wishes of your love
The person who I share my dreams with
The one who used to comb my hair, I think of my mom

Although at times, I hurt you because of my wrong decisions
You quietly watched over me from afar
Although I'm still a young and clumsy child
I think I understand now
The meaning of your silent prayers

I will become a warm hearted person
I will become a person that puts others first
I will fulfill the wishes of your love
The person who I share my dreams with
The one who used to comb my hair, I think of my mom

What should I do? My heart is still so small
If I let go of your hand, I'm not sure if I can make it without you
I don't think I'm ready yet
And I'm scared

I will become a wise daughter
Give me courage
No matter where I go, I will be a daughter you can be proud of
I will fulfill the wishes of your love
With all the love that you have shown me
I will have a warm heart
I was too shy to express this to you clearly
Mom, I truly love you

It's sweet (:
Just for tomorrow's Mothers' Day.

Anws, hopefully my trip to Macau and Hong Kong at the end of the month will be confirmed soon!
YAY! 6 days of freedom, and escape from work :3
Hehe.

I thought of it.
&I cried again.

Sick. &One days..

2010-05-07T14:41:00.005+08:00

So sick D:
That sounds familiar.. a song by Ne-Yo?
Anws, I just took my medicine, so I'm feeling drowsy already D:
Aish.
Have been super sick the past few days..
Headaches keep coming back.
Felt like puking.
Haven't been eating my meals. Even if I did, I didn't eat much.
And now that my cough is gone, the flu attacked me ==
Yeah, so I've got a blocked nose.
Used up tons of tissue paper today.
*Sniff*
&I have a pimple and white head breakout! D:
Ahhhh...terrible.

HMT paper was crap.
I hope that I can pass..
Yes, a pass will do. Seriously.
I wish I can take CLB like Kid. Haha

I don't know which way to turn.
Right or left? ):

You know..
I have been watching JeTi moments on youtube these days..
&I really envy their friendship.
Even other viewers agree too.
They are such fun and sweet friends..
I wish I had a friend like that...
I hope I can find that friend soon.. (:

I won't leave my star.

2010-05-05T18:46:00.003+08:00

(:
I won't leave even when you don't shine.

Oh, why do I taste something metallic..
Urgh, lips bleeding again ._.

Cough everything away.

2010-05-03T19:01:00.003+08:00

No matter who loves them.

Ah.
My throat hurts ):
I don't want to drink pi pa gao!
Aish.

I was wondering what whould happen if I got into a car accident.
I just love playing impossible scenes in my head.

Rock, paper, scissors

2010-05-02T12:35:00.001+08:00

I find this so cute xD

Who'll stay.

2010-05-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

That hurt.
But it's okay.
I'll wait.
I hope it isn't for nothing though...

BOOYEAH.
The beetle got pwned by the fan!
I can do my work in peace now :3

Happily in pain.

The Prayer That I Forgot

2010-05-01T11:17:00.002+08:00

I realised I haven been getting inspirations and motivations from Paul Coelho's book recently..
No wonder I've been so down ):
Today, I finally remembered about the prayer I wanted to post long ago..
This section on the book is titled "The Prayer That I Forgot"
Yes, a prayer that I forgot too..
So here it is:

Lord, protect our doubts, because Doubt is a way of praying. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at the many answers that exist to one question. And in order for this to be possible...

Lord, protect our decisions, because making Decisions is a way of praying. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another. May our YES always be a YES, and our NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse. And in order for this to be possible...

Lord, protect our actions, because Action is a way of praying. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive. And in order for this to be possible...

Lord, protect our dreams, because Dream is a way of praying. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and peserverance. And in order for this to be possible...

Lord, give us enthusiasm, because Enthusiasm is a way of praying. It is what binds us to the Heavens and to Earth, to grown-ups, and to children; it is what tells us that our desires are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing. And in order for this to be possible...

Lord, protect us, because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the eart continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmute wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company, and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.

Amen.

I believe you'll forgive me..
Won't you?

Out of control.

2010-04-30T19:53:00.004+08:00

It's harder to find people to turn to nowadays..
I'm beginning to shut myself out..
Who'll love me enough to climb over this wall?
I guess my life just ended.

So should I apologise?

Hmm.

Trying to heal...

2010-04-29T21:53:00.006+08:00

Alright, shan't spam tumblr pics. In case Kai Li complains again xD
Hehehe

Anws,
I'm glad Tricia's back (:

Now for Bestie's turn as well as mine..
I really hope time can heal our wounds...

It has been like a year for me to be crying about the same thing over and over again..
It's pathetic, I know..

Oh damn,
I got a minor cough ):

Embracing the pain.

2010-04-28T20:34:00.002+08:00

You'll always be in mine..
Even if my mind tries hard to forget you..
and the hurt you've caused..

My heart says..
"Embrace those pain.. Cos you yourself know that she's worth getting hurt for."

I'm the purple sky, remember?
(:
Embracing&Engulfing.

Who's priority?

2010-04-26T21:09:00.004+08:00

=\ aww..
But I just can't help it.
I may be her option, but cousin's still my priority (:
Proton's second to her!
Even though she's second, she still havda be honoured! haha (:

Anws,
I fell in love with Ga-in, maknae from Brown Eyed Girls!
She's hawt and cute! :D
I love how she goes.. "SHIRROOOO" means "DON'T WANT" in korean. xD
And she makes a cute couple with Jokwon from 2AM.
I kept laughing when I watched "We Got Married". hahahaha!
They're sweet (:
And I envy the fun in between quarrels they had..

Changed my blogsong again :D
Here's the english translation:

Do not worry, I am fine
Just go the way you were traveling
I've been so sorry
for making things difficult
I won't give reasons or excuses anymore
Thankyou for loving me thus far..

When tears come out, I will smile,
Just the way you did for me
Like a fool, I am smiling
as I send you away.

Please take care of that person
I still linger for that person
Once I love you, I cannot let go of your hand
Once I send you away, I am hurting like this
It's too late, but I am still happy

I don't know why you worried for me so much
You'll never know how much I regret this
Because I am like you, I've suddenly becoming a lingering fool
I've become pitiful after you left

It's laughable I could not be with you
when you were here and I am like this now after you left
I am smiling today by myself
I want to see you.

Please take care of that person
I still linger for that person
Once I love you, I cannot let go of your hand
Once I send you away, I am hurting like this
It's too late, but I am still happy

As my tears hit the back of my hand without a sound
I should be smiling..
but I cried instead..

When I think of that person,
when I miss that person..
Smiling and crying can no longer console me

Please take care of that person
for the last time if I could see that person,
I will smile brightly

If you see me again..
please smile.

I just want to be okay today.

2010-04-25T11:19:00.001+08:00

Changed blogsong.
Hannah Montanna - True Friend.
Crystal dedicated this song to me before she left. (:
I miss her.

We sign our cards
And letters BFF
You've got
A million ways
To make me laugh
You're looking out
For me
You've got my back
So good
To have you around
You know the secrets
I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you
Break through my shell
Don't feel the need
To do a rebel yell
Cuz you keep my feet
On the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now
And into the night
Till it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry
When I change the plans
Somehow you're never out
Of second chances
Won't say "I told you"
When I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky
That I found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now
And into the night
Till it's alright again

True friends will go
To the ends of the earth
Till they find
The things you need
Friends hang on
To the ups and the downs
Cuz they got someone
To believe in

A true friend
You're here 'til the end
You pull me aside me aside
When somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now
And into the night,
No need to pretend
You're a true friend
You're here 'til the end
You pull me aside
When somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now
And into the night
'Til it's alright again

You're a true friend
You're a true friend
You're a true friend

100th post - Sister.

2010-04-25T00:20:00.003+08:00

I want a caring, understanding and close older sister for me to depend on when I'm at my lowest..
Regardless of whether she's older than me by one year, one month, one day or even an hour.

I envy close siblings.
&I envy friends who seem to be like siblings..

Hard core E.M.O.

2010-04-24T20:42:00.027+08:00

):
I hate it..
How things are not the same as before.
And looking back just make my heart hurt like shit.

Yeah.
I emo when I'm tired.

So true..

):
I miss you.. do you?

Just be happy with who you're with, and I'm fine with it.
I wouldn't allow those people to neglect you or leave you...

Cos they're better than me.
And me being there, won't make a difference as to when they're gone.

Yes, I'm being happy while in pain...

That'll never happen.
But i do wish it would...
Just a heart to heart talk..please?

I know it'll be choice b.

Done spamming pictures for today.

I'm feeling blank.
Bye

This other side of me.

2010-04-23T21:40:00.004+08:00

Why do people always look at me with that "you're crazy/random/weird/-.-" kind of face whenever I'm being high, do or say something random, and just "odd", and not being the usual emo-ish me.

Only my GB mates understand this other side of me (:
&I'm glad I have them.

I love my twin, Yee Ling (:
We always go crazy together.
(:

Worth it.

2010-04-23T21:25:00.012+08:00

Yeah..
I just want to run somewhere far so you could miss me.
But I know I'll miss you even more.

I am human and I need to be loved.

=\

Yes..
It's hard not to say some things...
But once I've said it, it caused people to get hurt.
I've regretted saying. But somehow will regret not saying too..

;x

"You can’t waste time over missing something in the past. Life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and you accept that. Yet you still can’t stop thinking of how good it used to be; afraid you’ll never experience it again, afraid you’ve already lived it and already lost it."

"The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to."

Somehow, I suddenly have this feeling that I'm not worth it..

I just know you are.
So it's okay whether I'm worth it or not.

Bye. Sleep.

Hold my hand, and never let me go.

2010-04-22T20:24:00.005+08:00

Somedays, I'd pretend that I'm holding your hand again,

Just like today.
When I've missed you too much.

Yes...
Time made this quote "Nothing ever lasts forever."
That's why I hate time.
It changed everything.
&made it harder to breathe as each day passes by..

Thoughts that can't be explained.

2010-04-22T20:11:00.007+08:00

Here are some pictures again.
I love these emo pictures from tumblr(:
They can tell what I was thinking the whole day without me uttering much.
Here's part of what I was thinking while being some zombie at woodlands sports hall.

Yeah, filled with doubt and jealousy..
Assumptions.
My insecurities kill my friendship most of the time..

(:

Please don't forget me...
I feel like some "last resort" person..

I guess I'm trying to..

It still hurts.
But I'm hiding it.

Yes, there is..
=\

Even though I laughed with Yee Ling.
Crapped, complained, gossiped..
My mind still lay somewhere else.
My heart too.

I'm tired.
Bye.

So now I'm left alone.
"You don't need someone who doesn't need you anymore."
Is this true?

Lean on me.

2010-04-21T19:52:00.003+08:00

I think of the past, that particular scene.
And in the present, I wished..
That time would actually stop at that moment forever.

Sweet silence.

Sometimes I would think of how we can actually enjoy moments of silence between the two of us, and how small and sweet actions with few words can make both of us smile and appreciate that moment. &see. That there is only the two of us in the world at the present time.

I'd smile when I think of this.
But I know it wouldn't ever happen (:
Just enjoying myself in my world of fantasy.

I'm glad you were the first.

2010-04-19T23:04:00.006+08:00

Today, I have this feeling.
I'm glad you were the first.
The first friend I've ever cared for so much.
The first friend I've ever given so much.
The first friend I've ever cried for so much.
The first friend I've ever missed so much.
The first friend I've ever loved so much.
(:
I love you :D
Yes, that message last time...
Guess it wasn't the last after all.
Even if you don't say it.
I'll say it continuously, no matter what. (:

Today was great (:
Except for some things that still bug me during lessons.
But I managed to put them to the back of my mind sometimes..

Sent Cousin home.
Sheltered her! :D
&I was damn happy that we had topics today (:
At least there weren't any awkward silence.
But still, I love how this quote goes..
"True friendship is genuine when two people can enjoy each other's company without speaking"
I wish we can be like that. haha

I love Cousin (:

No longer..

2010-04-16T22:41:00.004+08:00

You know I'm no longer that efficient Jazlyn..
You know I can't live up to your expectations anymore..
You'll know I'll bring trouble every so often..
You know I'm not good anymore.

Sometimes it's so easy to change..
but somehow, it's always harder to change back.

=\

No wonder the inferiority.

I owe you one stock list, one proposal, and 4 meeting minutes.
Oh yes, I'm damn efficient (:
Crap.

I should stop getting distracted...
It's my own fault..

Bye.

Electron and Proton.

2010-04-14T22:40:00.005+08:00

'Life is nothing but an electron looking for a place to rest.' ~Albert Szent-Gyorgy

The electron is forced from its home with the proton. He feels this loss instantly, and he immediately flies into a frenzy. He sees her being pulled away from him, and he cannot reach her fast enough to prevent her from disappearing. He searches frantically, but he cannot find her. More and more energy fills him as he becomes more and more desperate. He can't find her; she has been taken away.

'Do you wish to see your beloved proton again?'

The electron is startled by the voice, unable to find its source. 'If you so wish, you must do as I say.' The electron soon realizes the voice is from the protein looming over him. Normally, he would be skeptical of the large and complicated molecule, but he must find her. He willing jumps over to the protein and lets it do with him as it wishes.

He can feel himself being transferred from molecule to molecule, his energy being sapped away in order to complete the reactions. This happens again and again and again. Soon he is joined by another electron, whom he can tell has suffered the same misfortune. The two surrender themselves to protein after protein, reaction after reaction.

Finally, their wish is granted. They emerge from the last reaction, sapped of so much of their energy, only to have it refilled with joy as they see their beloved protons yet again. They rush forward to their beloveds, as their beloveds rush to them.

The oxygen intersects. He gives them a compromise: they can be rejoined with the protons, but only if they all surrender to him. The electrons must stay with him more than their beloveds. But they do not care as long as they can be joined once again.

The deal is hastily met, and the electrons race back to their found partners. The happiness is overwhelming, and the electrons and the protons are so happy to have found each other yet again.

The joyful reunion, however, is cut short as the oxygen draws the two electrons back to him. The electrons and the protons fight to return to one another, and succeed.

But the success lasts only for a short while. For the rest of their lives as a water molecule, the dance will continue, with the oxygen winning most of the electron's time. But the electrons and the protons don't mind, for they are still allowed to be near each other, and that is infinitely better than when they were ripped apart.

Got this story from Deviantart o.o

Anws.
It hurts to see people around me sad too =\
Proton taught me something and yet I couldn't do anything to help..
I just wish she'd be back again.

I'm the one who's supposed to be negative you know!
You're not the tiny one, right?

Maybe it'll take you time to heal.
Try to look beyond imperfections okay?
Hold on, a little longer.
Just hold on.

You've come so far, why let your feelings slip away like that?
I now know I haven't lost you.
You were still there for me.

And I'm still gonna keep my promise of being there for you.
Remember you tried to push me away last time? Yet I said "I don't care, I still wanna care for you."
I still will (:

Even if I can't do much =\
At least you know I'm there.
Electrons will never be separated from their protons :D

I know how it feels.
I do understand.. but maybe it's just a little different from my case..
but hey, we go through these things to make us stronger.
We're strong. Aren't we?
Yes, we are. Definitely.

Even when we cry.
Even when we cut.
Even when we have no feelings, no more.

We're still strong people in the process.
Strong enough to survive these kind of things again and again.

I told you my heart died. You said I was strong because of that, didn't you?
I'm gonna love you enough to climb over your wall.
Climb over mine too, yeah :D

Okay..
this doesn't make any sense, does it =\

I just love you, Proton.
&I want you to be happy too.
Cheer up. &come back soon.
I'm missing you too.

~Electron.

Imperfections

2010-04-14T20:51:00.003+08:00

(:
A little bit of sadness and happiness at the same time today.
Don't know if you did it because you had nowhere to go, or because I seem all alone.
But I'm just glad you did. (:

At that time, I thought..
Somehow this seems familiar.
And I was happy that it seemed to resemble a part of my lost memories.
Even if it was just a short while, or just a little bit.
(:

Continued my story with Mummy again.
Learnt lots of things from her.
What she said opened my eyes wider today.
I'm glad I have a Mummy :D

There are imperfections everywhere, but remember that the imperfections are what make things perfect and beautiful.
If we learn to look beyond those imperfections,
that's where we'll find happiness.
That's where we'll be truly happy..
about everything, everyone, and most of all, ourselves (:

You're worth it.
Screw what they say. (:

Words from a Psychologist/Psychiatrist.

2010-04-13T18:14:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah, I remembered about this from a book I read.
They are letters exchanged between a psychiatrist and a girl who was suffering from depression.
I wonder if I blogged about this before..
These are what the psychiatrist replied.

Sucidal thoughts or attempts are not just efforts to relieve pain, to put yourself our of misery, but are also a way to acknowledge that some part of us needs to die if some new part of us, our adult identity, is to be born.

The scratch or cut or slice seems to function as a symbolic "diving line" that separates who we were from who we are becoming.
And the resultant scar is a constant and visible reminder that we have successfully nariagatedd an important rite of passage, that we have "made it through" and can celebrate the acqusition of a new, more mature identity.

So, because all rites of passage involve a good amount of struggle, the etches on our skin wind up representing the etches on our soul that result from the struggle to shed our childhood and take on the mantle of yound adulthood.

But the urge to carve or slash yourself is not, in itself, something that is worrisome or unhealthy. On the contrary, to me it speaks of a wholesome desire to usher yourself forward and to declare, to yourself and others, your ripening, your readiness to take on the responsibilities and priviledges that come with age and maturity.

I wonder if you people will think this is utter bullshit :3

Anws, some things I agree on with Diyanah.

"Nobody has the right to scold someone for his or her choices.
If they are friends, they should stand beside..
What about all those quotes that say "I'll walk with you even if you choose the wrong path.." ?
Nobody's perfect (:

Yeah, after people turned their backs on me.
I learned that..
If you were my friend, you would follow me through..
not turn your back and scold me.

Nobody chooses for another.
Nobody judges.
Cos they got no rights.

A true friend never gets in your way unless you're going down."

She's sweet (:
But I know people get angry cos they care and it's for my own good..
><
I'm sorry.

A Mother's Understanding.

2010-04-13T17:46:00.004+08:00

Hah, I love the title for this post x)

Got scolded by alot of people and got beat up by them today-.-
Cos I did something wrong..
And they were like trying to force the reasons to why I did it.
Of course I didn't tell them, the more they asked, the more I refused to.

In the end, I told everything to Mummy (:
She's the only one who didn't force it out of me, that's why.
I feel so much better after that heart to heart talk (:
Even though there was not many advices given.
I guess I love pouring out to her in person.
Thanks Mummy. s2
Should have given you a hug. haha
Jiayou too, okay (:

And sorry everyone.. =\
I won't do it again..
Thankyou for the concern..

Dear You.

2010-04-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

Effing mood.

2010-04-12T18:23:00.000+08:00

You've changed.

2010-04-11T21:43:00.003+08:00

Like what Miss Tang would say.

"I'm disappointed in you."

HAHAHAHAHAH
=\

I'm losing everything.
So I'm making them lose me.

You'll be in my heart s2

2010-04-11T19:56:00.001+08:00

Just changed blogsong.
Ah, old times. Disney rocks.
Even though this song was from long ago,
the feeling for it never dies (:

Dedicated to Cousin, Proton, Psycho-ed partner and Snow :D

Phil Collins - You'll be in my heart

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
cause I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together cause

you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

yes i'll be with you.
cause i'll be there for you always
always and always
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
i'll be there for you always
always

R.E.A.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2010-04-11T19:25:00.006+08:00

Pensive.

2010-04-09T20:25:00.004+08:00

There were alot of things on my mind today.
Well yeah, I'm always like this anws -.-

I thought and came up with this:
The intentions and the tone set defines every action.
E.g. 1,
Girl A helps a teacher. Girl B does the same to another teacher.
But Girl A helped because she wanted to suck up to the teacher whereas Girl B helped out wholeheartedly without any ulterior motive.
E.g. 2,
Girl A talked about someone who did something wrong. Girl B talked about that someone too.
But Girl A did it with a sarcastic tone and sounded like she was gossiping about that someone, whereas Girl B sounded like she was just pointing out that someone's mistakes and giving suggestions.

Well, my conclusion here....
Actually, I don't really know what conclusion I have *stares*
But I just know..
I shouldn't blame myself for something I feel guilty about... ><

Next in my train of thoughts!
OBS D:
My twin gets to go! She's representing NE Champs.
I was damn sad when she said it, although it wasn't confirmed that she'll be free to go yet..
BUT! The first thing that came to my mind was..
"I won't have a nice bday this year.." ):
I know it's a wrong thought..
But my friends are all going for OBS on that day..

Hmm...
& one more!
"HER"
I don't think you'll know who I'm referring to.
I just think that..
She always appears to be reluctant to have "it" or don't want "it" at all..
But in the inside, she really wants that..
In the end, she'll just accept it if it comes to her.
I was wondering, should this be the right attitude to commit yourself to something?

"HER no. 2"
Your attitude.. I don't like it..
I want you to change, but I don't know how to tell you..
&I'm afraid I'm in the wrong..
Cos it seems like.. everyone else doesn't mind your character..
I was thinking..
Is it because of your attitude that you don't have true friends to be really there for you?
Maybe those friends that laugh with you, only appear to be your friends, but on the inside, they're just not being true to you..
=\

I know I'm in the wrong to think such things.
Sometimes I even think that my impressions of these people are just wrong.
I've always tried to push them aside, to one corner of my mind and let them collect dust there and be forgotten someday.
But these thoughts about the two girls just keep coming back.
Perhaps partly it's because of my envy?
I don't even know if I'm envying them..
Maybe they are just random thoughts that crossed my mind.
Haven't really got anyone suitable to share these thoughts fully with..

I wanna spologise for alot of things this week.
My envy.
My whines.
My excuses.
My attitude.
My mistakes.
My blur-ness.
My wrong words.
My inefficiency.
My wrong motives.

Really sorry people..
Especially to Cousin, Chea Chee, Diyanah, Jocelyn and Jia Qi. ><

&to God. I'm sorry..

9th EXCO FIGHTING!

2010-04-08T23:09:00.003+08:00

I'm beginning to accept my position after today.
I guess EXCO changed me alot, alot..

Well, there are certain things 9th EXCO still have to learn.
But it's okay, we'll take one step at a time.
Together, we'll move forward.
I wish us all the best.
&yes, no conflicts please.
I don't want our team to turn out to be another drama show.
Heh (:

Anws,
I still think that seniors never see the full picture of things.
Ok..maybe not only them.
All of us, in fact.
But we continue to believe in what we have believed in, especially in only what we ourselves see.
I really hope that humans have a wider view and perspective of things.
So we can be fair in our judgements.

Well,
I shall love EXCO more and more and more now (:
Cousin, lead us well eh (:

Oh, had a nice walk with you after the meeting.
Small conversations, but cherished. It's been awhile since we've walked together.
I guess I get what you meant now. *beams* I bet you don't know what I'm talking about. haha
I'm glad I've improved. x)

Keep smiling kay :D
9th EXCO fighting!

Far.

2010-04-06T18:38:00.002+08:00

I'm far from all my close friends!
):

Diyanah...
I guess I know how you felt the last time.
Not achieving whatever you're aiming for..
But I don't think you'll feel this way right?
Like when your close friends are all heads, lvl 4s, having many leadership positions.
And yet you're like left behind..
very far from them. Very left out.
I hate this feeling.
I hate it..

I'm not hungry for power.
I just don't want to be so odd..
I don't want to feel lost.
I don't want to feel that I've achieved nothing..

I just want to feel like I'm part of them..
Chea Yee, Priscilla, Jocelyn, Sheng Rong, Yi Jun, Jin Yong, Yang Tin, Chea Chee....
I'm not at their level..
And it just makes me feel so...
urgh. ): I don't know how to describe...

Yes..
contented with what I have..
Contentment.

I just don't have the power, courage and "size" to stop things.
Nobody listens.

Bye.
Homework.

Comfort Zone.

2010-04-05T18:20:00.002+08:00

I shall be contented with what I've gained and have.
I shouldn't think too much about what I've lost and what I've not tried for.

Yes,
right now..
I can only sit and stare into space,
and reflect on all those times..
Why I've lost what I've aimed for.
&Why I've never even tried gaining certain things.

I do regret.
I regret not stretching myself to my limits and go beyond there each time.
I regret not having enough courage to stand up for certain things, to speak up, to reject, to cross my comfort zone.
I regret comparing myself to others and conclude myself as inferior.
I regret being afraid of doing things that will embarrass myself because of someone.
I regret not being able to be firm with others.
I regret....

=\
At one point..
When Joce said she was probably transferring..
I thought about it too.
Like "why not? I can start my life all over again. &this time, I won't have someone there to "prevent" me from stepping out"
No, that someone wasn't in any wrong.
Never.
Only I know what I'm talking about. haha

Hmm..

Grow up.

2010-04-05T15:48:00.004+08:00

CAN'T YOU JUST GROW UP?
I've been angry about this today..
Have already been tolerating since a long time ago.
Hais.
But I know you're a great friend.
Just that..
Your attitude has to change..

OBS OBS OBS~
):
I thought about it..
If I got a chance to choose between this and NWCDC.
I would have chosen OBS..
Well, I'm just more of a sporty person than a leader =\

But thank God. (:
Cousin's right.
Everything just happen for a reason. I shall believe this.
I didn't manage to get OBS..
But I got chosen for NWCDC. :D
Or YLC9? hehe.
Thank God (:

Still feeling sore though.
Tomorrow, the EXCO results will be out.
I agree with Cousin's prediction too.
Hah.
No hope for deputy president. Definitely.
I bet Joce & Pris got it. lols

Oh..
And today's tending of booth sucked.
For me.
Don't wanna elaborate.
=\
Couple of reasons actually..

I'll get over everything soon.
I may feel sore now, but I'll get over them.
Just like band 3, 3/6, understudy, vice head of GB(Well, not yet for this heh), and so much more.
I'll get over them.
I will.

End of my role.

2010-04-04T11:59:00.003+08:00

I believe I am of no need anymore.
It shall be the end of my role in your play, your life. (:
But it doesn't mean I'll be gone forever.
I'll just be at one side, waiting for you, welcoming you again if you need me.
For now, I'll take my leave.

There are new people in your life right now.
And you're happy with them, that's fine with me.

It's okay if we don't stick together that much anymore.
I'm just afraid that you're doing that for the sake of it.

You said you're finding yourself back.
I'll give you the time.
I'm finding myself back too.

Yes, I am important.
I know.
Your words do assure me that I am.
But at other times, it'll be a different feeling.
Kind of abstract for you now, I guess ;x

I am strong now.
I am willing to be alone.

As long as you're happy, I'll be happy too (:

So..
leave me alone during recess time okay?
Don't look for me and ask me why, what happened, etc.
Because I won't answer.
I just have other things to do, and you have your own friends with you (:

&No, I'm not jealous.
I just came to really accept that certain things..
just don't last forever.

No worries,
I'm still loving you. (:

See ya,
Electron.